Rain inside and out
by clyana
Summary: Start off new, take a girl, bring in a guy. Add a pinch of fire, a smidgen of enmity, a dash of disgust, a glimpse of chemistry, a splash of exasperation, a soupcon of obstinacy and a touch of denial. Get ready for the overlydramatic story of Lily Evans.
1. Leaving Home

Rain inside and out

Summary : start off new, take a girl, bring in a guy. Add a pinch of fire, a smidgen of enmity, a dash of disgust, a glimpse of chemistry, a splash of exasperation, a soupcon of obstinacy and a touch of denial. Get ready for the overly-dramatic story of Lily Evans and James Potter.

Chapter 1 : Leaving home

" I can't believe this. This. Is. Un-be-lie-va-ble. " I gasped as I read my Hogwarts letter for the third time. There could have been many reasons for my shocked expression, such as the fact that I had just found out I was to be Head Girl during the next school year, or that I finally realized that it would my last and final year at Hogwarts. But no. I had always worked real hard in order to one day obtain that shiny red and gold Head badge and at the end of my sixth year, it sure didn't seem as though I wouldn't get it. The reality that my school years would soon be over wasn't the cause of my surprise either : the teachers had practically forgotten to teach us anything in their intentions to blab on unlimitedly about our seventh year during our sixth about how exceptionally important NEWTS were, so I wasn't about to forget those in some time. No, the reason for my astonishment was no other than the identity of the Head Boy, someone I'd be working with almost nightly. Someone I had well grown to hate over the past six years. I just couldn't help but keep asking my overly astounded little self who in their right mind would have _ever_ thought of even _mentioning_ James Potter as a future Head Boy.

_Dear Miss Lily Evans,_

_I would firstly like to excuse myself for the delay of this letter. I do hope __you'll get it in time. I wanted to make sure it arrived safely to destination __and wasn't intercepted along the way, what with all the chaos that is the __wizarding world at the moment. Secondly, I would like to congratulate you on __making Head Girl for your seventh year here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You will find your badge enclosed in this letter. You'll have __important responsibilities this year as I'm sure you already know. You'll also __be working with the Head Boy : James Potter of Gryffindor House. As the list of __needed books has already been given to you on the last day of your sixth year __due to the insecurity provided by owl post, you'll see the pointlessness of __sending it to you again. The Hogwarts Express will leave from King's Cross on __September 1st at 11am on platform 9 3/4 as usual._

_Yours truly,_

_Professor Albus Dumbledore_

_Hogwarts Headmaster_

Did the greatest wizard alive really _want_ to make my life hell ? Because that was obviously bound to happen.

" Lily, Petunia, breakfast ! " a woman's cheery voice was heard from one end of the house to the other. It was common knowledge that breakfast in the Evans' household was to be a "family thing", it had always been and I wasn't one to break tradition so I dropped my letter on the desk and headed downstairs. Unfortunately, I just _had_ to encounter my simply delightful sister in the hall. Petunia, unlike me, was tall, had a long neck and a piercing gaze that made her look like a buffalo ready to attack. Stepping out of the bathroom, she had wrapped her long, dark hair in a towel on top of her head and was wearing a pair of plain black pants and a pale and faded orange shirt. I was vaguely remembered of Halloween and this sudden remembrance of last year's celebration brought me into having to make tremendous efforts to keep myself from bursting out laughing. She looked at me as if I had been the most abominable sort of repulsive insect and snarled :

"Get out of the way, freak. "

"Good morning to you too, " I answered.

"Don't talk to me, you weirdo, " she retorted sourly making her way back to her room.

" Don't worry, I won't bother in the future, " I said with a laugh. Her reactions were just so pitiful and ridiculous sometimes. A voice in my head told me Petunia really did mean what she said but I ignored it, it had the same situation for the past six years so why even bother ? I ran down the stairs to the kitchen to find my parents sitting around the table.

"Morning hon, " my mother said as she poured herself some coffee.

"Morning Lily, " my father added.

" Morning, guess who was made Head Girl ? " I asked excitedly.

"Roxy ? " dad guessed.

"Ryan ! " mom said in exasperation.

"I'm just kidding, congratulations ! " he exclaimed as he came over to give me a hug.

"I knew you'd get it, I'm so proud of you !" my mother squealed.

"Yay, let's all be happy for freaky Lily who just got named a super freak at her freak school !" Petunia cried sneeringly as she entered the room. She had gotten rid of the towel on her head, not that it looked much better without it.

"For the last time, your sister is not a freak, she's a witch ! " dad stated sharply as he offered me some toast. I took it, to Petunia's disgust and jealousy at not being offered any.

"Same thing, " she said taking a seat next to our mom.

"Dear, would you please be nice to your sister since it's her last day and you won't be seeing her for four months ? " my mother asked patiently.

"Good riddance ! " she exclaimed.

"Petunia ! " Ryan shouted, "Chloe, we have to do something ! "

" Whatever, can you drive me to Carrie's, mom ? " the 19-year-old asked, acting all innocent.

"Honey... didn't you see her just yesterday ? " Chloe argued.

"But mom ! " Petunia complained.

"Anyway, I'm taking Lily to the station. Why don't you take the bus ? " mom suggested.

"Funny, you don't tell Lily to take the bus, " she noticed bitterly.

"You stop those arrogant remarks right now young lady ! " dad said seriously.

" _Why _am I the only one who sees that eccentric freak for what she really is ?! She's all you care about, _Lily_ this and _Lily_ that. Well I'm your daughter too you, you know ! You seem to have forgotten that _I'm_ actually normal ! That _abnormality_ I have the calamity to call my relative is a disgrace to this whole family and you're both absolutely blind to it ! "

She'd been talking in pure hatred and envy and I knew it. But not _once _did she say a single word to my face and _that _I couldn't overlook. So I had tried to live civilly with my bloody sister for two months, now she had gone too far and she was not going to ruin my last day at home.

"I've just had enough of this, " I said disgusted. I had taken my wand out and was pointing it straight at Petunia.

" You can't use that – that _thing_ outside of school. " she said acting confident although she didn't sound so sure of herself. The triumphant look she had tried to paste on her bony face was giving her away miserably. Of course, I noticed.

"It's called a wand, my dear, and students seventeen and older can use it anytime, " I gave her a horribly sweet smile.

Petunia turned livid. She had lost all glorious expression on her face, which amused me.

" Don't point it at me ! " she shrieked violently.

"You know, after having to bear with the Marauders for six long years, I dare say I know some pretty good hexes, " I informed my sister smartly, "I can turn your hair some shockingly dispicable shade of blue, enlarge your teeth to look like a hamsters' or even make you talk backwards for the next two days. "

"You wouldn't dare, " Petunia said in a hushed, frightened voice. I laughed.

" _Accio orange juice !_ " I shouted. Petunia screamed and ran out of the room covering her head with her hands. In the meantime, the glass of orange juice that had been in front of her and that I had been pointing at, zoomed into the air and landed in my hand.

"I told you not to tell her you could do magic outside of school, " dad sighed.

"I know but it's my last day here and she wasn't about to ruin it, she was seriously getting on my nerves, " I replied casually between two gulps of juice.

" Alright, we're leaving in ten minutes, get your trunk downstairs now that... you can, " Chloe said with a half amused, half exasperated tone in her voice.

So I walked back upstairs, finished packing my trunk and checked if I hadn't neglected anything. Surely enough, my eyes landed on my desk, where my Hogwarts letter lay forgotten. I picked it up, reread it once more and the joy from Petunia's delusional attitude was gone instantly. Another year with Potter. Because that's what I called him. And he called me Evans, I had never heard him use my first name and doubted if he even knew it since his only preoccupations in life resumed themselves to snogging girls and planning pranks, against the Slytherins most of the time. I didn't think he knew half the names of the bimbos he ever went out with anyway. So he was just Potter to me. Arrogant–conceited–egoistical-Potter : the infamous Gryffindor quidditch captain, best student in the school ( except for me that is ) who got all Os on his OWLs without studying much and grand member of the Marauders which consisted of him, Sirius Black, another detention-magnet, Remus Lupin, a master of mischievousness who half-hid behind the disguise of a rather sweet and smart guy, and Peter Pettigrew, a short, blond, shy boy who you could actually get a pretty good laugh from if you got to know him. But nevertheless, he was different from the other three and it was still a mystery to the whole school how he had joined the other Marauders in the first place but no one dared ask them about it for risk of being cursed into oblivion, something Potter and Black especially exceeded at. Anyway, Potter was sure not to follow his Head responsibilities, he always had this thing against school rules and there was no telling what kind of messed up ideas he'd come up with during Head meetings. If there was _one_ guy I couldn't stand, it was him. Potter all in all, sun and rain, fire and ice, night and day .... was a living hell.

Worse thing was, he probably just _fell in love_ with the idea that he'd be working, if you can call it work, with me all year. Ever since fifth year, he hadn't stopped asking me out, who the bloody hell knows why. Actually, I knew why. You didn't have to be Einstein to be able to identify Potter as the biggest player ever alive. He wasn't one to give up easily on anything and I had always refused to go on a single date with him. I suspected I was just about the only one, excepting exceptions of course. Every other girl couldn't resist his charming smile that made them melt and his dirty hair that made him look so goddamn hot. Did I just call him hot ?... god, I'm becoming like Petunia. Ok... so he _is _good-looking. No denying it. Whatever. I was not attracted to the toerag anyway, I'll have married a blast-ended Skrewt before I went out with Potter. So every week ever since fifth year he had asked me out, and every week, I turned him down. He was so annoying, he could have any girl he wanted, why did he bother with me ? Didn't he see that it wasn't getting him anywhere ?

So I wasn't the only one in the school he hadn't gone out with. Thank god, my best friends Adriane and Roxy hadn't either. Even if they didn't go out with any of them, they still liked the Marauders. It was obvious Roxy had something for Black although what she found to him was still a mystery to me. Was I the only one to see him for the show off he really was ? But she had never asked him out, for fear of rejection. I didn't think he would have rejected her when she asked him out, rather when he decided he'd rather snog someone else, which probably would have been a week later and I could not have let that happen to my best friend. I would have committed murder if that day ever came. Roxy would not turn out like another " Marauder addict ". Adriane was more of the psychology type of girl and got on quite well with Remus. She was currently going out with a seventh year Ravenclaw, who's name Roxy and I had never bothered to remember.

"Lily, you ready ? " I heard my dad ask from downstairs.

" Coming ! " I replied. I took one last look at the piece of parchment before stuffing it inside my trunk which I bewitched with a simple _locomotor_ spell. It rose about a meter into the air and, being directed by my wand, flew down the stairs. My parents were in the entrance hall, smiling at my charm work : they had rarely seen me do magic, just when my sister wasn't around.

" Petunia, would you come down - " my mother started to call but I knew it was no use.

" Forget it mom, I'm used to it, " I interjected before she had finished her sentence. My parents sighed forlornly : they had always regretted Petunia's attitude towards me ever since we all learned I was a witch six years ago. My sister and I had been the best of friends before that, we never did one thing without the other. But then almost overnight she rejected me, considering me an enemy, a freak of nature and she never showed affection towards me ever since. I wrote her dozens of letters during my first and second years at Hogwarts, never getting a reply. I gave up after that, not bothering to try and convince her I was still the same. I had a feeling that however hard I tried, she would never understand, and that left a bruise in my heart I knew would never heal, like the emptiness you endure when you love someone who doesn't love you back.

I walked outside to the front yard, felt the sweet smell of my mother's roses invade my senses and drove away, leaving my house, my home, ignorant of the fact that I would never look at it the same way ever again.

A/N : So was it lame ? Was it so boring you had trouble staying awake ? Was it the shitiest piece of crap you ever read ? If so, do tell me ! But TELL ME WHY. What did you like, what didn't you like. Simple as that. So if you have some thirty seconds available in your precious little time and can be bothered to think somewhat properly, do review please. I'll love you forever even though I got no clue as to who you are. Lol, I should just shut up right... ?

A/N AGAIN : For anyone who's read my bio, Adriane as in Lily's friend has no connection to me, Adriane. Thing is, I created Adriane Lily's friend before I called myself Adriane, because Adriane's my name on internet but not in real life. That make sense ?

A/N ( LAST ONE I SWEAR ) : I'm not going to have the whole "Lily Gang" go out with all the Marauders excluding Peter. They'll have strong relationships but they won't be boyfriend/girlfriend in the end. Lots of things will happen, that I promise, including Voldemort attack scenes. One last thing, if you don't get the title of the story, that's perfectly normal, some insight on its' significance will be revealed next chapter. Review people !

A/N ( OK SO I LIED... ) : That means you too, JESS ! Just cuz your sis reviews, ça t'empêche pas d'en faire autant ! Ahh, you know I love you... Gwen ? Same message for you, darling. Otherwise, I can still get the R.M. on the other line, you know...


	2. Catching Atmosphere

Rain Inside and Out

A/N : READ THE POEM PEOPLE ! From James' POV ! Sorry for taking so long to update, been very busy...

Chapter 2 : Catching Atmosphere

**There is such sad love deep in your eyes**

**The pain you must feel makes me want to cry**

**I see but nothing a darkened gaze**

**The tears deep down over your eyes they glaze**

**I see no smile I wish to help**

**But after a while your pain is not felt**

**You don't run to me you run to your shadows**

**You keep to yourself like it's all that matters**

**You can run and run but your pain can't hide**

**All I can see is what you feel on the inside**

**You do not show it, you act as if all's ok**

**But I know someday that you'll see it won't go away**

- _Such Sad Love_, Elisabeth Vornbrock

We arrived early at King's Cross as usual, 10h30 that is. Dad circled the neighborhood for what seemed like hours, looking for a parking space then decided to drop mom and me off in front of the station, so I wouldn't miss my train. He said he'd meet up with us later on the platform. The sky was heavy with clouds, the air suffocating with the late summer heat but the world kept turning round, although you could have had reasons to doubt.

" Lily... I want you to have this, " my mother said taking a bracelet off her wrist, once we were on the sidewalk.

" Mom, you know I can't accept it ! " I exclaimed, taking a step backwards. This piece of jewelry was the most precious my mother owned : a bracelet of tiny red roses connected by a silver chain. It was simply beautiful and had been in her family for generations. The tradition was to pass it on from mother to daughter.

" Please, take it with you, " my mother begged.

" I don't want it, you make it sound like...like..."

" It could happen Lily and I don't want Petunia to inherit of it if it does, " she whispered pulling me into a hug, " I don't have anything against your sister, but... it's _you_ it has to belong to now. "

" Mom... " I gasped. My heart sank terribly low. I knew what this meant, not that I was accepting it. My mother pulled away from the hug, took my arm and enclosed the bracelet on my wrist. It fit perfectly.

" You're going to do fabulous, honey, " she said smiling her most charming smile. I laughed slightly. This was my mom : always optimistic, always truthful, always caring. No wonder my dad fell in love with her. " You're the best daughter I could have ever asked for. " I sighed.

" Why are you doing this ? " I couldn't help but ask worriedly.

" Because it has to be done, I want you to hear it from me. Now let's get on that platform otherwise you'll miss your train ! " she answered swiftly. I followed her inside the station, where the crowd was thicker than Petunia's waffle mix and that was saying something. We made our way through the building and managed to reach platform 9 and 10 ten minutes later. We were soon joined by my dad who was pushing a trolley with my trunk on top of it.

" Shall we go, then ? " he asked, thrilled. My dad had always loved to do this, being a Muggle. Magic had always fascinated him. I took the trolley and headed for the barrier between platform 9 and 10. I began running and was soon by the gleaming red steam engine that was the Hogwarts Express.

" Missed me, darling ? " a voice called from behind me. I spun around to see one of my best friends Miss Roxy Strider, walking ever-so-stylishly towards me. This was quite a show for she wasn't at all the sort of girl to bring attention to her, unless it included hexing some foul-language-mumbling Slytherin. Some would have thought her shy, and those would have thought wrong. Roxy just minded her own business. She had shoulder length, wavy brown hair, sky blue eyes and looked stunning as always in a pair of loose jeans and a black jacket. I hugged her tight when she came, I had missed her so much during the summer. We hadn't been randomly talking vacation-guys-on-deserted-beaches for five minutes when my dad came over to tell us we were almost the only ones on the platform left.

" See you at Christmas, Lily, " he said.

" Have a good term, " my mom added. I hugged them both and heard her whisper " I love you, Lily, " in my ear as we did.

" I love you too, " I said before we broke apart. I smiled at both of them and got onto the train with Roxy. We left moments later and tried to find a compartment. Of course, that was mission impossible since we were almost the last ones to have gotten on the train and finding an empty compartment was like finding a needle in the middle of a hay stack.

" Roxy, Lily, over here ! " someone called. Adriane Cloepfil, my other best friend in the world, was waving ridiculously at us from a compartment up ahead, making huge movements with her arms. Smiling like a lunatic, she hadn't changed one bit over the summer. She was wearing black pants and a burgundy hoodie, which matched her curly black hair and dark brown eyes. I entered the compartment, eager to hear everyone's summer adventures when I realized we weren't alone :

" Hell no Adriane, I am _not_ - ? " I started telling her.

" Nice to see you too, " Potter interrupted smiling the one-famous-grin he knew I despised with one hell of a passion.

" Let's go, " I said heading back.

" You know there's no space anywhere else, we must have searched the whole train twice, " Roxy said seating herself next to Black. I should have known.

" Fine, " I said, giving up. I then realized the last two seats were the ones next to Potter. This definitely wasn't my day...

" So how was your summer, Lils ? " he asked me cheerfully. I groaned.

" Don't call me Lils, Potter and yeah, my summer was awful, " I replied.

" Do tell, " Peter said.

" Let's just say I have one hell of a bitchy Muggle sister, but how did your summers go ? " I questioned everyone.

" James and I spent most of it surfing at the beach, I can't remember the name of what it is Remus did and Peter went to Germany, " Black explained.

" I went _skydiving_ Sirius, how many times do I have to tell you ? " Remus exclaimed.

" _No way_, you went skydiving ?! " I nearly shouted.

" Will somebody explain to dear-old-Padfoot what you're talking about ? " Black asked exasperatingly.

" Basically you get on a plane and jump off of it a couple hundred feet off the ground, " Potter explained.

" Why didn't you tell us ?! " Black asked Remus.

" I _did_ ! " Remus cried. We all laughed.

" How do you know that ? " I asked Potter, surprised.

" Know what ? " he replied.

" Skydiving ! It's a Muggle thing ! " I remarked.

" There's lots of things about me you don't know, " he grinned. What a jerk.

" Shut up, Potter, " I snapped.

" So Lils - "

" Call me that again and I swear I'll make sure to hex you so badly you won't dare walk out of the hospital wing for months considering the deliberate damage I'll have a pleasure to inflict to your egocentric being, " I declared dangerously. For the shortest second in history he seemed to have taken it personally, but that thought left my mind the moment it had crossed it.

" _Lily _then, I heard you made Head Girl, congratulations ! " he said and actually seemed to mean it.

" You made Head Girl ? And you didn't tell us ?! " Adriane exclaimed half pleased, half disapproving.

" I just found out this morning ! " I retorted.

" You could have told us earlier anyway, " Roxy noticed.

" I guess I... forgot, " I answered truthfully. What my mom had said had totally gotten the subject off my mind.

" Well, you go girl ! " Adriane cried out. That's when I remembered my letter and the disturbing news it contained. I looked at Potter, who was casually leaning against his seat, grinning mischievously.

" So how did you do it ? " I asked him.

" I didn't, in fact I had no idea it'd happen, " he answered simply.

" My ass, you're gonna tell me you actually got _picked_ ? " I shot.

" Seems like it, " he replied.

" Not that we don't know what you're talking about, but what _are_ you talking about ? " Roxy questioned.

" James Potter the infamous Hogwarts _git_... is Head Boy, " I sighed.

" Seriously ? " Adriane demanded him, stunned.

" Is it _that_ hard to believe ? " he asked.

" Well you're not exactly the one we thought Dumbledore would have chosen is all. I mean, I could have bet your life it'd have been Remus instead of you, " Black explained.

" That's nice, " Potter retorted sardonically.

" Truth hurts, doesn't it ? " Black laughed.

As I started telling Roxy about my trip to Scotland while Adriane pursued the skydiving conversation with Remus, the surroundings outside were changing dramatically : hills and endless prairies I'd never seen in a single muggle geography book quickly replaced the London suburban streets of lined, square houses. Finally, Potter looked at his watch, got up and motioned for me to follow him. When I didn't and looked at him weirdly ( he would probably take me outside to ask me out, I had wondered why he hadn't done it earlier ), he laughed :

" Come on Lils, we got a Head meeting with the Prefects. " Great. _He _of all people had remembered while I had completely forgotten. Just great. I left the compartment and followed Potter to the Prefect ones. Once we had arrived there, we basically told the fifth years to watch over the situation in the train, some brief introduction to the responsibilities they were to have during the school year and left. Surprising thing was, I barely said anything. Potter wasn't irresponsible in anything he said, which was definitely strange. He was clear and had authority. Had he finally changed ? No... I was imagining things. How could Potter, _the_ prankster at Hogwarts start following school rules ? We went back to the compartment and found another girl there, which I recognized as Roxy's sister, having met her a few times. She was pretty tall for her age, had her beautiful blond hair up in a ponytail and metallic-silver glasses in front of her dark blue eyes that didn't make her look like a nerd at all. On the contrary, they gave her a smart, slightly seductive look.

" Hey Gin, " I said.

" Hi Lily, " she replied.

" I'm James, " Potter introduced himself politely. What the hell ? Since when did Potter politeness logic ?

" Nice to meet you, I'm Gin, Roxy's sister, " she answered joyfully. Potter nodded. She was starting her first year at Hogwarts and Roxy was almost more excited than her sister about it.

" So once you're sorted into Gryffindor, " she told her for what looked like the thousandth time judging from the exasperated look Gin was giving me, " I'll be able to help you with homework and we'll be spending so much time together and we better make the most of it since I'm not going to be here next year and I've barely seen you for the past 6 years anyway... "

To Roxy, the assumption that Gin would be sorted into our house was simply the most obvious thing in the world and she would _not_ let anyone else tell her otherwise. She had always said Gin would be a Gryffindor, just like her, and that was it.

The train ride continued amusingly, Peter beating a depressed-looking Sirius at Exploding Snap and Adriane giving Remus a hard time during a wizard chess game. Roxy and Gin told me about the things they had seen in Japan, while Potter stayed quiet, a word I highly suspected to be nonexistent in his vocabulary. It wasn't until Roxy, who was seated opposite me grinned for no substantial reason that I realized he had been staring at me for I-wasn't-sure-how-long.

" What are you staring at ? " I shot sourly.

" Isn't it obvious ? " he grinned. I rolled my eyes. Thankfully, the train started slowing down : we were almost there.

" Did anybody else forget to put on their school robes ? " I asked. Indeed, everyone in the compartment was still in their normal cloths.

" You can change here ladies, " Black smiled mischievously.

" I think we'll pass on the offer, Sirius, " Roxy retorted before following the rest of the girls outside. We took turns using the bathroom to change into our robes, not exactly planning on doing so in the middle of the corridors. The train stopped shortly after we had finished and we descended from it to meet the cool early-autumn breeze that hung in the air. Gin joined the other first years who would cross the lake by boat while Roxy, Adriane and I headed down the muddy path that lead to the carriages with the rest of the students. We found an empty one and seated ourselves inside. It was a few moments later that the door to the carriage swung open and as if they couldn't possibly leave us girls for more than a few minutes and live to tell the tale, Potter and Black asked to join us, for Remus and Peter had already filled another carriage with some Ravenclaws, or so they said.

" Sure ! " Roxy responded enthusiastically. Why me ?... The carriage rose into the air seconds later and no one said anything. It began to rain slowly and still, we were silent. After a minute or so, the rain was pouring like mad and I realized we'd all be soaked by the time we reached the Great Hall. I felt the carriage beginning to fly lower and lower and soon enough, it had landed in front of the castle. Black went out first, then Roxy, followed by Adriane who was just in front of Potter. I went out last and must have slipped on or missed a step because next thing I knew, I was tripping over my own feet and about to fall ludicrously to the hard ground. Fortunately, a pair of strong arms held me back and kept me on my feet. Unfortunately, those arms belonged to Potter.

" Let go of me, " I hissed. But he refused to. He was just holding me tight, his arms around mine. The icy rain was drenching us to our skins, yet he didn't seem to care. I looked up and instantly realized that was the last thing I should have done. His brilliant hazel eyes had been overwhelming me since the end of sixth year. Though I wasn't sure why, I felt completely trapped in them. Thunder struck. Neither one of us took notice. Strangely, I was convinced I was protected, like nothing could harm me. He was just admiring me, yet there was no grin nor smile playing on his lips. He seemed distant, beyond words. Why did his wet hair have to look so good when it fell so charmingly into his eyes ? Why did our faces, suddenly, have to be so close ? I forgot the wind, the rain, the thunder. I forgot everything.

" Lily, " he said in a low whisper, not breaking eye contact.

" James, " I replied softly, lost in thought, lost for words. Yet the sound of his voice, as enchanting as it was, had awoken something in me that made me break out of my trance. It hit me : I had called him James... The rain suddenly went back to feeling like a fluid blizzard : we were going to freeze to death. Since he wasn't letting me go, I did the first and only thing I could think of.

" Lily ! " Potter exclaimed unbelieving, as he brought a hand to his cheek that I guessed was turning red rather quickly. I broke free from his grip and started walking away.

" What the _hell _did you do that for ? " he shouted sounding disappointed more than anything else. I spun around.

" You wouldn't let go of me... " I called, " but thanks anyway. "

" For what ? " he asked perplexed.

" Catching me, " I replied casually before stranding him in front of the castle. Merlin, could this day have gotten any weirder ?

James' POV :

She hurried through the enormous doors of the school. The girl of my dreams. I stayed under the freezing rain and I couldn't have cared less about its' existence. My inside emotions were so much stronger than the ones I felt on the outside. She was the only one who could leave me this lost, this confused. I looked back at what had just happened. How could she have discontinued it ? The feeling we shared... a feeling I knew I would never experience with anyone else. Why did it have to be this way ? Why did she have to be so goddamn beautiful, so lovely under the rain ? It was nothing short of magical. Her soft, wild red hair, her astonishing emerald eyes, her exquisite curves, her brilliant mind, her free spirit, her laugh, her smile... Why did she have to hate me ? Why did she play with my heart ? She was driving me utterly crazy...

A/N : please review, tell me what you think ! Anything at all ! By the way, Adriane Cloepfil is a real person, but she has nothing whatsoever to do with the fictional character with her name in this story.

Thanks to :

**Gwen** : will you stop harassing me now ? lol. Thanks for reviewing darling.

**Gin** : I love you so much, thank you for reading this, I appreciate having comments from people I have the greatest opinion of !

**Lea (The Evil Meow)** : thanks love, don't know what I'd do without you...

**Amalynne O'Hara** : I reviewed your other story actually, I can't remember the name, something about draco. I started your story about Sirius but didn't get too far, I'm pretty busy these days, sorry ! thanks for reviewing !

**Citrus Rain** : your review got me laughing so hard ! your translation from English to French that is, I believe you wanted to say "it's a well written story" but you ended up saying "well" as in where you get water, not as in good. Thanks for reviewing anyway !


	3. Slytherin Newcomer

Rain inside and out

A/N : Read the poem people. It takes a minute.

**I love you too much to let you go,**

**I know I have no power over which way the river flows.**

**You were supposed to be here beside me,**

**Not with them where death equals glee.**

**When they said you would be away and take a different path**

**I knew it would come down to death and wrath.**

**I'll always love you and I hope you will love me too,**

**But until you're not with them I can't believe anything's true.**

_- Elizabeth Vornbrock_

Chapter 3 : Slytherin Newcomer

I entered the Great Hall ( after having dried myself using a simple charm ) which was decorated majestically as usual : hundreds of candles hung in mid air illuminating the place, while the light they provided reflected into the gleaming silverware placed on each of the four house tables. I decided to forget whatever it was that had happened with James - Why was I calling him James all of a sudden ? Anyway, I sat down at the Gryffindor table next with Adriane and Roxy; Potter joined the Marauders who were seated further down which felt pretty strange : they had always been next to us during every start-of-term feast ever since first year ( first year by coincidence and it just became a sort of tradition for them after that ), not that I minded their absence : Potter's arrogance had never been welcome.

" What took you so long ? " Roxy asked me.

" Nothing, " I replied absently.

" Seriously, what happened with James ? " Adriane pursued. I turned to look at her. Could she have possibly read my mind ? I couldn't get out of it now.

" I tripped, he caught me, I told him to let me go, he didn't, I slapped him, " I answered as though it were an everyday thing.

" That's it ? " Roxy questioned.

" Nothing else ? " Adriane added.

" Well... there was this... feeling kind of... thing but it doesn't matter. It means nothing, how could it mean anything ? Let's leave it at that, " I concluded. My friends nodded their agreement although I knew they didn't mean it or believe me when I said it meant nothing. Even though I fought hard to convince myself of the truth in my words, I couldn't quite believe of its' existence either but as I had asked, it was left at that.

As more and more students started filling the empty spaces between students, so did the staff at its' table. A tired Dumbledore was joined by a troubled Professor Sinistra as a young Trelawney walked slowly to her seat accompanied by the ghost that was Professor Binns. Soon enough, Professor McGonagall arrived followed by a rather large group of first years. She placed the Sorting Hat on a wooden stool and to the first years' foreseen general surprise, it began to sing :

_It was centuries ago that._

_Hogwarts' founders came together_

_With a will to teach the young ones _

_Magic to become great sorcerers_

_Behind them they left_

_The best school there is today_

_They left me along with it_

_To choose who goes which way_

_Every year I sort_

_Sitting on this old stool_

_Into four grand houses_

_The newcomers of this school_

_Ravewclaw takes the cleverest_

_Who's mind will take them far_

_While Hufflepuff the honest_

_Who's loyalty is clearly sure_

_Gryffindor accepts the bravest_

_For which challenge is an attraction_

_While Slytherin takes the cunning_

_Who come with great ambition_

_Dark times are nonetheless ahead_

_So the four must stand together_

_As one school united_

_For soon it won't be over_

_Unlike our great founders_

_See past our differences we must_

_For we cannot survive_

_Without compassion and trust_

_I shall now tell you_

_In which house you belong_

_It's what I was sown to do_

_And never I've been wrong "_

The Great Hall filled with applause as the hat ended his song, although his words just reminded everyone of the terror that reigned all too close of the very walls of the school.

" You're requested to sit on the stool and place the hat on your head when I call your name, " Professor McGonagall's voice rang throughout the room. She was holding a long piece of parchment and began reading :

" Albee Michael ! " A brown haired boy who looked rather tall for his age made his way towards the hat, which shouted a few seconds later :

" Hufflepuff ! " Loud cheers erupted at the Hufflepuff table.

" Brown Mariana ! " McGonagall continued. This time, a red head came determinedly forward. Unlike the others, she didn't seem nervous in the least, as if she already knew what was going to happen and wasn't afraid to face it. Somehow, I felt a sudden pinch of admiration towards her, like she was someone I could recognize myself in and I was glad to see she was sorted into Gryffindor. The Sorting Ceremony droned on as the new first years were sorted into their houses. I tried talking to Roxy but she hushed me before I could say three word consecutively :

" Wait, my sister's being sorted ! " she squealed excitingly. Indeed, the young Gin Strider had placed the hat on top of her head and was waiting for it to say in which house she would be. Roxy was staring avidly at her sister, without blinking as if afraid she'd miss the most memorable moment when her sister would be placed into Gryffindor. To her, that was as obvious as 1 plus 1 equals 2 and she could have bet my life on it. Very luckily, she didn't.

" Slytherin ! " the hat shouted after over a minute. Gin took the hat off her head and looked anxiously at Professor McGonagall as the Slytherins, unknowing, cheered. The teacher looked flabbergasted : Roxy had always been one of her best Transfiguration students and this is not what she had expected... at all.

" Well... go on dear, " she said finally motioning the Slytherin table.

" NO ! Something's obviously wrong ! My sister can't be a Slytherin, she just _can't _be ! " Roxy shouted, looking desperately at Dumbledore. She had gotten up and was shaking frantically, as if she had just heard the worst possible news.

" Miss Strider, I know this might seem highly unusual, but the Sorting Hat decided your sister would do best in Slytherin and I dare say he's never been wrong in sorting anyone, " Dumbledore declared solemnly.

" But - " Roxy gasped weakly. She just couldn't understand, she had been so convinced yet... A tear ran down her cheek as she looked at her sister, heartbroken. Gin couldn't believe it either but she made her way towards the Slytherin table when Professor McGonagall announced the next name on her list. I got up and pulled Roxy back down so she wouldn't attract any more attention.

" How can this be ? " she whispered to me in a bewildered voice as we sat back down.

" I don't know, but it's OK Roxy, it's not - " I tried to comfort her.

" She should be here, sitting right next to me ! " she cried, the tears still sliding down her face.

" It'll be all right, I promise you, " I replied pulling her into a hug, " you'll still see her outside of classes. "

" But _why_ Slytherin, of _all_ houses ? Why not Ravenclaw , or even Hufflepuff ? Why did she have to be a Slytherin ? Why ? " Roxy kept asking me, getting angrier by the second.

" Look, it just wasn't meant to be and it's not like she'll become a - " I started but didn't dare finish. Roxy froze completely and faced me. She knew exactly what I meant.

" Oh god, " she gasped, " what if she... "

" Roxy, don't even think about it, there is _no_ way Gin will become a Death Eater, you hear me ? Get that out of your head ! " I commanded.

" Why would she be in Slytherin then ? " Roxy questioned abruptly.

" Not all Slytherins turn out bad, just because most Death Eaters were Slytherins doesn't mean your sister will become one. In fact, there's no chance. She's never had anything against me ! " I announced.

" Right... " Roxy said. She took a deep breath, wiped her tears and looked over at the Slytherin table where she saw her sister talking to another first year with short black hair. Gin looked up and smiled slightly as her gaze met Roxy's. Roxy smiled back, nevertheless reluctant to admit the situation and desperatly wishing for things to be different.

" Well then, " Dumbledore called after the Sorting was over, " now that our first years are sorted, we might as well welcome our new older students, no ? "

The entire Great Hall stared at their headmaster perplexed as he spoke. What new students ?

" It's rarely happened at Hogwarts for us to accept students other than first years, but all the same, I'd like you all to welcome a new seventh year, who was sorted into Gryffindor earlier in my office, Kathryn Desner, " he declared before clapping and was soon joined by everyone in the Hall, especially by Gryffindors. I looked around to see the new comer. All eyes were drawn on a rather tall girl with long, coal black hair and fascinating blue-grayish eyes which perplexingly shot sparkles by way of the candlelight. No doubt about it, she was beautiful. Something about her made her seem familiar. I felt like I recognized her, knew her, yet I doubted I had ever met her in my life. This Kathryn was smiling at everyone who would present themselves to her, but I felt like she would rather not. For some reason, she had an expression that said that she hadn't chosen to be here.

" You know her ? " Adriane asked me, breaking me out of my trance. I had been staring at the new seventh year for over a minute, without realizing it.

" Who, the new girl ? No, never met her, " I answered.

" Well, you don't seem to be the only interested. Look at Sirius, " Roxy jumped in, glancing in Sirius' direction. Indeed, my enemy's best friend was staring avidly at the new girl.

" Pervert, " I concluded, " she's probably on his girls-to-date-and-dump list already. "

" I think it's more than that, he never looks at girls that way, no matter how gorgeous they are. It's just not Sirius. Unless... " Adriane started thoughtfully. Roxy and I couldn't stand Adriane's "unless..." sentences, for they rarely ever ended with an answer. Our dear friend would just stare into space for the longest time and leave without a word.

" Not again, " Roxy sighed.

" Adriane, unless WHAT ? " I questioned importantly. She had been focusing on Sirius who was still focusing on Kathryn before she turned to look at me. Without prevention, she broke into laughter.

" Forget it Lily, we'll never find out, " Roxy confirmed my intuition on the subject.

" OK I know this might seem... highly delusional but... love at first sight ? " Adriane suggested hesitatingly. I burst into laughter, followed a bit less extravagantly by Roxy.

" Yeah right ! Black fall in love ? You've thought the unthinkable ! " I said, laughing hilariously.

" Well, he hasn't stopped looking at her for the past three minutes, " Roxy noticed coldly.

" I don't see why you still bother with him ! " I responded.

" Yeah me neither, " she replied still eyeing him regretfully. While we had been talking, Dumbledore had started his speech, which we had heard enough times already :

" There are a couple of rules here at Hogwarts that are to be respected and I think it wouldn't be pointless for these rules to be reminded to a couple of our older students as well. " I noticed he was looking in the direction of the Marauders who seemed to take it as a compliment. Sirius had finally stopped watching the new girl and was grinning mischievously along with his friends.

" First off, " he explained, " the Forbidden Forest, as its' name indicates it, has forbidden access to all students. I've also been asked by our caretaker Mr. Pringle to remind you that no magic is allowed in the corridors and between classes. Now to the feast : enjoy the food ! "

As soon as Dumbledore waved his wand, all sorts of delicious foods appeared out of thin air and on the tables. Soon, everyone had served himself with salmon, roast beef, boiled potatoes, tofu, soybeans and basmati rice. By the end of the feast, I was stuffed to explode. Roxy on the other side, seemed to have just started. How that girl could eat so much and stay so fit was _way _beyond me. Finally, Dumbledore told us all to get to bed and added ever so nicely that he wanted to meet the Head Boy and Girl in his office immediately.

" Oh great, it's bad enough Potter has to be Head Boy without Dumbledore lecturing me about how we're going to have to get along, " I said as we got up to leave the Great Hall with the others.

" It might not be so bad, you know, " Adriane replied.

" Knowing Potter, smoothly is not the word to describe how this year is gonna go, " I said, not only thinking about his arrogance.

" Well, we'll leave you to your doom then, " Adriane grinned as she climbed the stairs to the common room while Roxy hesitantly made her way to Gin and I headed down the hall.

" Hey Lily ! " a voice I knew all too well called behind me seconds later. I ignored it and picked up the pace.

" Would you mind not ignoring me for once ? " Potter asked. It seemed like it had taken him half a second to catch up with me for he was already walking by my side.

" Yes, I actually would, " I replied coldly.

" Come on, can't you be civil ? " he asked.

" _I'm_ not being civil ? " I snapped.

" Hell no you aren't, " he retorted. I had stopped walking, so had he. He was facing me and looking so smart, so goddamn hot, yet the stupid grin I had expected him to paste on his face was lacking once more. Why wasn't he being his normal self ? It would have made the whole situation so much easier. ( A/N : who said life was always easy, dear ? )

" Fine, whatever Potter... " I replied before taking a left turn.

" You can call me James, you know, in fact you already did, " he whispered the last five words into my ear as he followed me closely from behind. It send shivers down my spine. I turned around to face him.

" Please, I'd really like to forget whatever it is that happened outside, " I declared even though deep down, I knew that was unconditionally impossible.

" Why ? " he asked in a sort of pained voice.

" It just... it wasn't me, I wasn't... Please don't do this, " was my answer.

" Whatever you say, " he responded, though I could tell he was disappointed. But why did I even care ? This was Potter..." But considering we're going to have to work together, we might as well get along and forget a couple of differences we've been sharing for the past six years, " he suggested.

" All right, but this doesn't mean we're friends, " I clarified. He said nothing. Maybe I _was_ being a bit harsh on him...

Two flights of stairs later, we arrived in front of the gargoyles :

" _Caramel Cherry_, " Potter said, and instantly, the stairs to the headmaster's office appeared.

" How do you know the - " I asked curiously.

" I just do, " he interrupted nonchalantly as he began climbing the stairs.

" But how come you - "

" Evans, you're not gonna get an answer out of me, so there's no point bothering. " he responded coldly. And he was the one talking about being civil ! Yet somehow, the fact that he had called me Evans didn't leave me indifferent. I guess I had gotten used to Lily ever since the end of last year. Damn Potter.

We finally arrived in front of the grand oak door leading to Dumbledore's office. He knocked, we entered the overly furnished room as usual. Unidentifiable spinning globes and other crazy objects found their place on every table and cupboard or hung wildly from the ceiling.

" M. Potter, Miss Evans, do sit down, " the wizard said motioning to the seats in front of his desk. We did as instructed.

" First of all, I'd like to congratulate you both on making Heads. "

" But with all due respect sir... why me ? " Potter interrupted hastily. Did he have any idea how rude that was ? To interrupt the headmaster like that ?

" Well, you _are_ the best students in this school and the professors - well most of them anyway - found that you would be most capable for the job, " Dumbledore explained.

" But I wasn't even a prefect ! "

" Well, back then you weren't exactly... suitable but I decided to make an exception for once. I dare say I knew I'd name you Head Boy ever since you first came to Hogwarts, M. Potter, " Dumbledore declared.

" What ?! " I exclaimed astonished. I looked at Potter, who was grinning his oh-ever-so-famous-grin which I completed loathed and he knew it. I turned to face Dumbledore who was making a similar face even though no one and I mean no one, not even Black, could manage Potter's mischievous grin. What the hell was going on ? I was beginning to think Potter was controlling Dumbledore somehow. Then I realized he couldn't possibly have the power to do that. It was just as probable as him being an Animagus.

" It's been quite some time since both Heads came from the same house, I'd say a couple decades but nonetheless, I trust you to do the right things and take the best decisions. You'll have lots of responsibilities this year, such as hall patrol, prefect meetings, taking care of any problem that might come up and you'll also be required to organize an... entertainment, " he added finally, having been looking for the right word.

" You mean like a school party ? " Potter said excitingly.

" Yes, I suppose you could call it that, " Dumbledore confirmed.

" But this didn't take place last year or the year before... " I noticed.

" For the simple reason that I didn't feel the Heads could pull it together any of the past couple of years but when it comes to you two, let's just say I'm looking forward to a bit of fun, " he said. Potter looked simply ecstatic about the idea. I seriously doubted whether it came from him or Dumbledore.

" If you have no more questions, then you may go to your common room, " he concluded. Potter and I rose from our seats, thanked Dumbledore and walked out of his office.

" Lils, this is gonna be sweeeet ! " Potter exclaimed as we walked down the third floor corridors.

" For the last time, don't call me Lils, " I said annoyed.

" No can do, Lily darling. Why don't you cheer up ? We're gonna be planning the greatest _entertainment_, " he said imitating Dumbledore, " this school had ever seen ! "

" You're gonna help plan this ? Now that'd be surprising since unless I'm terribly mistaken, you have no sense whatsoever of responsibilities ! " I cried.

" Then you're terribly mistaken, Lils, because not only am I going to organize the best party ever known to this castle, I'll be following all the damn responsibilities a Head Boy is suppose to follow ! " he declared.

" I'll believe that when I see it, " I snarled.

" And believe it you will, " he grinned.

" In your dreams, " I spat.

" What kind of dreams Lils ? " he asked mischievously.

" Shut up Potter, " I snapped. He smiled just to anger me a bit more. Why did he love pushing my buttons so much ? We arrived in front of the Fat lady's portrait and I realized I didn't know the password. Dumbledore must have forgotten to give it to us.

" _Hazel Crow_, " Potter said and the portrait swung open.

" Do you know every password in Hogwarts ? " I asked unbelieving and outraged.

" The ones I need to know, " he answered casually.

" Which _are_ ? " I continued.

" Do you seriously think I'm gonna answer that ? " he grinned.

" Worth a try, " I grinned back. I quickly looked away. What the hell was I doing ??? Thank god he didn't reply to that for I would have been embarrassed like hell. We entered the common room which was filled with students of all ages as usual. I parted from Potter and went to join Adriane and Roxy in a corner by the fireplace. They didn't notice me coming, what with all the noise, and I caught the last bit of their conversation :

" It's totally obvious - "

" What's totally obvious ? " I asked. Roxy went suddenly quite red.

" Um... that... Snape will be pranked tomorrow... " Adriane started not exactly sure of herself.

" At breakfast, " Roxy added quickly.

" Let me tell you something : _you can't lie_, " I stated smiling.

" But that doesn't mean you won't believe us, " Adriane grinned.

" Oh yes it does, what were you talking about ? " I demanded. My two best friends looked at each other uncertainly. An idea popped into my mind and I knew instantly I had understood :

" Hell no ! Potter and I are _not_ obvious, OK ? We've never _been _and we never _will be _! " I exclaimed.

" If you say so, " Adriane said. The conversation turned to other matters, such as the fact that there would be a party sort of thing and that Potter was absolutely overjoyed about it. By eleven thirty, only seventh years were still in the common room, the rest had gone to bed. Adriane, Roxy and I were seated on a couch by the fire discussing my sister's unconditionally despicable boyfriend before noticing a couple of people surrounding us : the Marauders had taken seats on the other side of the table, discussing matters we didn't want to be informed of and Kathryn was talking with the other seventh year girls in our dorm my friends and I didn't really appreciate much.

" Roxy, are you listening to me ? " Adriane asked.

" Hun ? " Roxy jumped and looked at Adriane.

" She was too busy staring at Black again, " I informed her. Sirius was observing the new girl again, it was definitely getting strange.

" Whatever, " Roxy sighed, setting her gaze on the fire. I hated to see her like this. I kept discouraging her to go out with Black because I knew he'd hurt her being the player that he is, but I couldn't help feeling bad about it. I looked at the guy she loved for a second : still staring at Kathryn. What was it with him ?

Suddenly, his confused gaze became knowing, conscious, as if he had just found out what he was searching for. His eyes grew wide as if he couldn't believe whatever it was he had realized. I looked over at Kathryn who was giving him a similar look, the fright apparent in her eyes. It was as though they were connected by a secret only they were aware of. They continued staring at each other for another minute, as though to make sure they were really seeing what they were seeing, their expressions unchanging. The whole room was watching the scene with interest, no one daring to break the silence that had fallen. No one had ever seen Sirius Black this way and no one had expected him to say the following sentences he was about to pronounce.

A/N : If I were you, I'd send the crazy author of this story hate mail. I hate cliff hangers too. Please review ! And before you ask, when Molly Weasley was at Hogwarts, Pringle was the caretaker ( book 4 ) so I'm just guessing James and Lily went to Hogwarts at the same period as her. And if you were wondering, YES, the impression that Lily's parents like Lily better than Petunia is not just an impression and there will be a development of that subject later on.

Thanks to :

**Amalynne O'Hara** : hey, thanx for being a faithful reviewer ! I tried to make my characters somewhat realistic ( so many fictions out there where lily's friends are pure stereotypes, urgh... ). Thanx for reviewing, good luck with your fictions !

**Gwen** : I swear if you harass me about this I really will call the R.M. lol. Thanx for reviewing darling, I'm glad you like the story ! For future reference, there will be some more of James' POV and narrator's POV too. When's _your_ fiction due ?

**Jess** : thanks for the luck, I need it, lol. Chapter 4 will be up in a next week-end if everything goes right.

**Nat the Termite** : thanx for reviewing my chérie, what happened to pointing out the bad points though ?

**xxxLeaxxx** : hey love, thanx for pointing out all the bad stuff. Hope you like this chapter. Yes, so you see ( thanx to you ï 


	4. Unforeseen Arrival

Rain inside and out

A/N : It's been 2 weeks, sorry lots of weird things going on in my life. Hope you like the chapter !

_You're such a filthy witch_

_I hate you to no end_

_I can't see how they want _

_To consider you their friend_

_You kill all in your path_

_Just so you can win_

_Your heart is like this pop can, empty tin_

_Your like a snake plain old cruel_

_But when I look around _

_the boys all drool_

_I don't see what they see _

_And I'm glad to know you _

_So I don't get hypnotised and poisoned by you _

_ - Elizabeth Vornbrock_

Last chapter:

_They continued staring at each other for another minute, as though to make sure they were really seeing what they were seeing, their expressions unchanging. The whole room was watching the scene with interest, no one daring to break the silence that had fallen. No one had ever seen Sirius Black this way and no one had expected him to say the following sentences he was about to pronounce._

Chapter 4 : Unforeseen arrival

" What the _hell_ are you doing here, Liz ? " Black suddenly called.

" I don't believe that's any of your goddamn business, Sirius, " the girl replied through clenched teeth.

" Finally got expelled from Durmstrang, did you ? " Black laughed nastily. That had hit a nerve.

" Don't go any further, " she spat menacingly. Her eyes were blazing with fury, glittering like daggers, if looks could kill Sirius would have been long dead and for a fraction of a second, he looked uncertain about defying her.

" Give me one good reason why I shouldn't, " he finally said, daring her all the same.

" Dumbledore trusts me, " she merely answered.

" Well I don't happen to, " he stated sharply.

" Haven't changed in the slightest, have you Black ? " she snarled.

" I see you haven't either, " he called coldly. Silence fell once more for a few seconds.

" I'm not going to lie to them, " Black declared at last.

" I can't say I expected you to, " she answered briefly.

" Well then " he said looking over at his friends, " let me - "

" Oh _shut it_, I think I can introduce myself, " she interrupted, " I'm Eliza Claythorne… Sirius' cousin. "

Silence again. I didn't know what to think really, but at least we knew why Black had been looking at this girl for so long. They probably hadn't seen each other in years, otherwise they'd have recognized one another straight away. But even if their last encounter was distant in time, you could tell their mutual hatred was intact.

" I'm Lily Evans, " I said at last, trying to make conversation and break the silence that was growing uncomfortable, " this is Roxy Strider and Adriane Cloepfil. "

" Nice to meet all of you, " Eliza replied more amicably.

" Yeah I'm sure it's a real pleasure, but it doesn't explain why you're here, " Black said uncaringly.

" Grandma thought I'd be better off at Hogwarts, " she sighed.

" Well, she _is_ the only one with sense in this family but it's quite impressive on your_ dear _parents' part to have agreed to that ! Oh let me guess, " he said mockingly, " they send you here to spy on Dumbledore ? "

" Am I really hearing this ? " she exclaimed astonished.

" Show me your arm then ! The Dark Mark was seen in the sky no longer than three hours ago, it should still be quite apparent ! " he cried out.

" I cannot _fucking_ believe you Sirius ! You seriously think I'm some Death Eater ? " she asked appalled.

" It's well know the Claythornes are one of the greatest Voldemort supporting families ! " Black called viciously.

" And the Blacks aren't ? " she snapped, rising up from her seat.

" I left my so-called-family a year ago ! " he retorted, getting up himself.

" What bloody difference does it make ?! " Eliza shouted. " I don't have anything against Muggle borns ! "

" Don't make me buy that bullshit, I'm surprised you weren't sorted into Slytherin. God, I can only _imagine_ your parents' disappointment when they find out you're in Gryffindor, " Black continued.

" Just shut - " she started but he ignored her completely.

" I bet you're just _so_ proud of them terrorizing the - " he exclaimed.

" They're dead Sirius, " she declared looking at him straight in the eyes.

" What ? " Black said unbelieving.

" You heard me, they're dead, " she repeated sadly, " _he_ killed them last summer. "

" Well, it just goes to show how disloyal they were. When you've sunken as low as becoming a Death Eater, you might as well be a faithful one. But no, your parents didn't even show loyalty to their so-called-master. They got what they deserved - "

" Repeat that and I swear I'll - " she shouted angrily, threatening him with the wand she had taken out. Her cousin had done the same and looked ready to duel.

" You'll what ? Hex me ? " he laughed. " I'm sure you learned some nice little tricks in Durmstrang ! "

She looked at him piercingly. Indeed it looked like she knew every trick in the book, every single hex ever created. She held her wand smoothly, a firm grip on it nevertheless, but with an indescribable grace. It seemed she was one with her wand, she knew every element, every fiber of wood with which it was produced. If there was one person you shouldn't have messed with, it was with her. And yet as she glared at Black, fury and loathing almost possessing her entirely, she held on to every molecule of self control she owned.

" I won't sink as low as you, " she shot with abhorrence before turning around and heading up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. Black started pacing around the common room in circles before he deliberately knocked over a vase, which shattered into a million pieces on the floor. He took no notice whatsoever.

" Damn her ! " he muttered angrily under his breath before heading up to his dorm. Once he had left, I looked at Potter, who was already looking at me. For the strangest unexplainable reason, I could tell what he was thinking and vise versa.

" You think we should ? " I asked him.

" Definitely, " he replied. Next second, we had our wands out and were pointing them at the Caroline and Victoria, the other seventh years.

" _Obliviate_ " we shouted together. Two flashes of orange light came out of our wands and hit the two girls who didn't have time to react.

" Considering the rumor-spreading habits they have, it's best they forget what they've seen and heard, " I declared.

" But you… you're not allowed to do that ! " Adriane said taken aback.

" We're Heads, and Dumbledore's obviously the one who gave her the fake name so he'll be thanking us. However no one else must know, all right ? We have to call her Kathryn whenever we're in class, unless someone else wants a memory charm ? " Potter asked. We all nodded in agreement. I felt a speck of admiration towards him : the authority he had, the seriousness he took. OK, I've _got_ to stop thinking about him this way ! He's an idiot, remember ?

" Well I'm off to bed, good night people, " Roxy said sleepily as she headed towards our dorm, followed by Adriane. I looked over at the clock hanging on the wall, on top of the fireplace : past midnight, yet I wasn't so tired.

" See you in the morning, " I said anyway joining my friends. I didn't feel like staying alone in the common room with the remaining Marauders. We climbed up the stairs to the seventh year dorm, Roxy sunk on her bed and fell asleep the moment her head reached her pillow. Adriane bothered to brush her teeth and went to bed with a quick " goodnight ". I laid on mine, but just couldn't get to sleep. Why was Potter on my mind ? I kept thinking about earlier under the rain. Come on, it doesn't mean anything, I told myself…

Realizing I wouldn't fall asleep, I got up and stood by the windowsill, admiring the half moon and the stars illuminating the dark sky. Suddenly, I heard gasping from behind me.

" No…please don't… don't do it… " a voice moaned desperately inside the room. The words made me shudder. I spun around and noticed the additional bed in the dorm, whose presence strangely didn't make the room seem any smaller. I guessed the bed belonged to Eliza, who was most likely having a nightmare. I walked towards her slowly. She was shifting in her bed, but it ended seconds later. I stopped in my tracks… silence fell… I was about to head back to the window when her voice send shivers down my spine :

" Stop ! " she unexpectedly cried hopelessly before taking deep, unsteady breaths. She had awoken. Oh god…

Sometimes you just have to follow your instinct… this was one of those times. I walked up to her bed as silently as I could muster, although I knew she could hear me. She was retaining her breath, listening for the slightest sounds. The Durmstrang way. I reached her bed.

" Dad ? " she asked, her voice shaking. I slowly opened the curtains to her bed.

" Jesus, it's you ! " Eliza exclaimed, shocked. Beads of sweat escaped her forehead, she was thoroughly shaken. I could tell her heart was still beating a hundred miles an hour.

" Are you OK ? " I asked anxiously, sitting next to her.

" Do I look OK to you ? " she responded insensitively. I didn't answer that, I just kept looking at her, unable to imagine what kind of terrible things were running through her mind. And I thought myself cursed to be thinking about Potter…

" I see them all the time, " she whispered finally, " everywhere… I'm haunted day and night. "

" Say what's on your heart, " I tried to comfort her.

" You don't even know me, what do you care ? "

" I can't sleep, you can't either. And obviously you have some pretty heavy burden to get off your heart, " I explained. She studied me for a few moments, as though to see if I could be trusted. She took a deep breath and looked me straight in the eyes. Sirius' eyes, I noticed.

" We were at a campsite. I was five. Sitting by the fire, watching the stars… then these three hooded figures apparated. My father went with them. Next thing I knew, chaos was established : people screaming all over the place, running for their lives, tents on fire. My mother was laughing, " she remembered, tears forming in her eyes, " laughing ! I was scared to death and she just stood there… laughing. "

" Then I saw my dad… advancing on a helpless woman on the ground. I was just feet away from her. Everything was on fire… she looked at me desperately, crying, praying for her life. I shouted at my father. I told him… I… " the tears were now sliding uncontrollably down her face. " I begged him to stop, to leave her… he just looked at me and smiled evilly, his wand directed towards that poor woman… he… I kept yelling, I… there was a flash of blue light and the woman began screaming… she was screaming so loud… twitching hysterically on the ground… and I can still hear them laugh… torturing the innocent… I implored him… I couldn't stand it… "

" Green light, and it stopped… I looked at the woman… her lifeless body, laying in the middle of hell… her despaired eyes still glaring at me… "

Silent tears had fallen on my cheeks. I couldn't think of a single thing I could tell her. I wanted to make her forget it all. But I knew it was engraved in her mind forever. I placed my arms around her and pulled her into a hug.

" It was one of Voldemort's first attacks, " Liz said into my neck. " The next day I had forgotten about it, someone must have put some memory charm on me. For twelve years, it lay forgotten in a corner of my mind I couldn't access… Then they died, and that same summer night, I relived it all in a dream. A dream I have constantly. I hear them laugh… I hear her scream… I see her gaze… a gaze that follows me everywhere. There's some things even the most powerful magic won't make you forget. "

" But you loved them, that's why you stayed, " I whispered.

" I loved them… " Eliza murmured almost absently. I kept embracing her tightly, until she had fallen asleep. I let go of her and pulled the covers over her peaceful body. The face that had been tense and angry looked remarkably relaxed. I pulled the curtains and proceeded to my own bed. Talk about an eventful day…

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

I was awoken the next morning by Adriane, who was trying to get Roxy and me up, in absolute vain.

" Come on ! Classes start in a half hour ! " she shouted.

" What ?! You're kidding me, right ? " I exclaimed. I looked at my alarm clock, a muggle object I had bewitched to work properly inside Hogwarts. 8am. What a great way to start a school year. I jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom for a shower, got dressed and flew to the Great Hall for breakfast. We were almost there when I stopped dead in my tracks.

" You _did_ wake up Eliza, right ? " I asked Adriane worriedly.

" She wasn't in her bed when I got up, " my friend replied. We entered the Great Hall and I was relieved to find her sitting at the Gryffindor table.

" Hey Evans, wanna go out with me ? " someone called from behind me.

" You'll never get it will you, Potter ? " I shot aggravated, not bothering to turn around.

" Never will get what ? " Potter bewilderedly questioned. He was sitting across the table, right in front of me. How had he… ?

" Evans ! " the voice pursued. I spun around to face Matthew Spencer, a Hufflepuff, walking towards me.

" What ? " I asked him, slightly confused.

" Will you go out with me ? " he repeated, rather annoyed. So it was him. He was the kind of guy who thought people were lucky to breathe the same air as him.

" No way, " I answered coolly, matching his arrogance, before heading towards where Eliza was sitting.

" Bitch, " I heard him mutter under his breath. I ignored it but a certain dark haired, hazel eyed guy wouldn't have done so in a million years. Next thing I knew, Spencer was covered in red paint and golden feathers from head to toe. The Great Hall erupted in laughter. I had to admit, it _was_ pretty hilarious but I was determined not to show that to my enemy.

" Potter ! " I shouted.

" He just insulted you, Lils ! Did you really expect me to just stand there ? " he answered casually.

" You're supposed to be Head Boy ! " I cried.

" Do you ever chill ? " he asked, truly acting as if the right answer was far from being obvious. I rolled my eyes in annoyance and walked away.

" Can we sit here ? " I asked Eliza once we had arrived at her end of the table.

" Sure. Lily, right ? If you don't mind me asking, what's up with you and this Potter guy ? " she asked.

" THANK YOU ! " Adriane and Roxy chorused, laughing their heads off. " We've been telling her for ages that she has something for him! "

" Shut up ! There's nothing between me and that git ! " I replied.

" Anyway, I took your time tables since you weren't there when they were handed out, " Eliza said, giving us small pieces of parchment.

" Thanks again, " Roxy said.

" No problem, " Eliza replied smiling.

" So, you're Eliza ? " Adriane asked.

" And you're Adriane. Call me Liz, no one calls me Eliza, " she replied smiling, " could you pass me the jam… Roxy ? "

" How do you know my name ? " Roxy questioned, handing Liz the jam.

" You introduced yourself last night during that… encounter with my lovely cousin, " she replied simply.

We ate hastily and walked out of there as fast as humanly possible, heading towards the History of Magic classroom, as our time table had so delightfully indicated us to do so. Inexplicably, we arrived on time and were about to spend two long, depressing hours with the Ravenclaws, who didn't look exactly ecstatic about spending another year with Professor Binns either, when Black came up to me and asked if we could talk. Amazing thing was, he was talking seriously, a rare sight, and Potter wasn't with him, an even rarer sight. I followed him a bit further down the hall, where he took an overprotective-brother-watching-over-the-ignorant-little-sister sort of look.

" I just wanted to warn you about Liz, " he told me. I was utterly stunned.

" I think I know who I can trust, " I replied. He shook his head.

" You don't know her like I do. She'll do anything to get what she wants. She'll even put your life in danger if that's what it takes for her to reach her goal, " he insisted. I couldn't help but laugh.

" Do you honestly think I'm going to believe that ? " I asked. He didn't find it funny in the slightest.

" I'm just warning you, Evans. I don't want to see you get hurt, " he said intensely. It was one of the exceptional times he had ever spoken seriously to me, the first he showed me he cared.

" Look, she just lost her parents for god's sake ! Can you even imagine a millionth of what she's going through ? " I answered.

" Promise me you'll be careful, " Black said.

" Why do you care ? " I questioned.

" She betrayed me, Lily and betrayal is one thing I don't forgive. I don't want to see it happening to you, nor Roxy, nor Adriane, nor anyone else " he explained. I pondered the thought for a moment.

" Whatever happened to you, it won't happen to me, nor Roxy, nor Adriane, nor anyone else. I'm _not_ going to stay away from Liz when that's exactly the opposite of what she needs. She needs support, Black, " I said.

" Promise me you'll be careful, " he repeated. I looked straight into his blue-grayish eyes and saw the one thing I never expected to see in them : fear.

" I'll be careful, " I assured him before walking away.

A/N : Please please please review !

Thanks to :

**Amalynne O'Hara : **Love you too ! lol. Thanx for reviewing, I really appreciate it.

**Jess : **Thanx for reviewing. It means a lot to me. You're welcome for your story. Sorry about this, it took 2 weeks, not one.

**Gwen : **You're safe, love, no RM is here to hurt you. I finally updated, wow. Took a long time. Sorry about that.

**Lea Meow From Hell : **explain why Roxy is irrational, dear. To me, she was just obsessed about her future happiness with her sister and got that dream of hers completely crushed when gin was sorted into Slytherin. Hope was crushed, that does have some dramatic effect, no ? And yeah I might have put Lily in too much constant denial. Oh well, it's what she's feeling though. Exaggerated, maybe…

**The counter : **you make me laugh. How can you ever expect me to take your review seriously, dude ?


	5. Mysteriously Lost

Rain inside and out

_Do you know what it's like to wake up dead_

_To wake up and see that everything has fled _

_To wake up and see you're only in a dream _

_To wake up and bleed and then begin to scream _

_To look around and see the world is grey_

_To look around and see you're in a play_

_To look around and not be understood_

_To look around and see you should_

_Should die, should scream, should yell,_

_Be killed, be burn alive and go to hell_

_For what you've done, you know it was wrong_

_You should stop living the lie you've lived forever long_

**_- Elizabeth Vornbrock_**

A/N : Sorry I took longer than usual to update this. Hope you're all doing good.

Chapter 5 : Mysteriously Lost

History of Magic, my least favorite subject EVER, except maybe for Divination, droned on forever, Binns blabbing on and on about giant conflicts in northern Australia since the XVIth century ( even Dumbledore would have slept through his lecture ). I made tremendous efforts to work my quill on a spare piece of parchment in order to take notes. Needless to say, I failed miserably and gave up five minutes into class. Adriane was into History ( the reason she took Advanced History and not me ), I could copy notes from her in exchange for my Charms notes. I looked around to see if anyone was paying the slightest attention and found my first intuition confirmed : boredom had its' dictatorship established.

Fortunately, before Binns' soporific voice took the best of me, a sealed piece of parchment magically appeared on my desk. I unrolled it.

_Thanks for listening last night and not telling anything to Roxy and Adriane. I'd rather this be kept between us. Is class always this boring ? Liz_

I turned the paper over and wrote on the back before sending it back to her with a flick of my wand.

_No problem. History of Magic always works like a sleeping pill with Binns around._

We kept sending notes until the end of class, completely overlooking Binns.

" Would you mind telling the class what's so funny, Ms Desner ? " Binns asked reproachfully, only a minute before the bell would ring. Surely even _he_ had some idea of the lifelessness of his class.

" Nothing at all, " Liz replied, hiding a laugh.

" Then I'm sure you wouldn't mind repeating what I've just said since you were obviously paying attention, " he said smoothly. Shit. Just what she needed on a first day of school. Why didn't I just daydream like everybody else and not get her in trouble ?

" Well M. Binns, you were just dully commenting the arguments defended by each of the giant tribes installed in Australia and how neither of them made sense, while the Australian Ministry of Magic took the whole thing as if it were a joke until the real conflicts began in 1578 and they hardly knew how to deal with the situation, since they were barely aware of the cause of it anyway, " Liz recited sarcastically as if reading the plot to an adventurous and fascinating movie.

The entire room gaped at her, stunned. Even Professor Binns couldn't believe it. But how could she have been sending me notes for the past two hours and still have paid attention to every word Binns had said ?

" Well… I suppose that's… what I said, " the Professor said sheepishly. Liz gave him a horribly sweet smile as the bell rung and we all stepped of the room.

" Binns even forgot to give us homework ! " Roxy cheered once we were out in the corridor.

" Were you really listening to whatever he was saying ? " I asked, still amazed.

" If there are two things worthwhile I learned in Durmstrang, it's being able to do two things at once and having a good memory, " she replied.

" So Sirius wasn't lying ? " Roxy said indelicately. Liz looked at her carefully, stared for a while then raised an eyebrow. " I mean - you did go to Durmstrang ? " Roxy tried to fix her mistake.

" Yeah, it was all about the dark arts over there though. So, Sirius told you to stay away from me, right ? " she asked me, quickly changing the subject.

" Well, yeah but it's not like I believe any of what he said, " I clarified.

" There's only one thing Sirius doesn't get : the fact that I've changed. Last time we had met was some… nine years ago and back then, let's just say I was pretty damn ignorant on what concerned muggle borns," Liz explained.

" Everyone makes mistakes, " Adriane said.

" So Durmstrang worked out real well for you, didn't it ? Can't say it's surprising, " Black called sourly as he passed us with his friends. Liz took her wand out and pointed it at her cousin's back.

" Do repeat that, cousin, " she dared him, once again displaying that grace and close-to-perfection posture she dangerously possessed. He spun around and barely had the time to take his wand out when a spell she had send him seconds before hit his face, yet nothing happened. I looked at Liz, who was grinning nonetheless. Just then, a piece of parchment flew in the corridor by the window and made it's way to Black. He took it and read.

" Damn it, " he muttered.

" What ? " Potter asked.

" Dumbledore wants to see us, " Liz answered for him, " and if we attack each other, we'll be risking expulsion. "

" How the hell do you know that ?! " Black exclaimed, outraged.

" It's written all over your forehead, " Liz laughed. And she wasn't kidding, it _was _written all over his forehead in shiny red letters, which disappeared seconds later. So her hex _had_ worked. Adriane, Roxy and I burst out laughing.

" Whatever you read in the next two hours will be displayed on your beautiful forehead, dear. As you said, you do learn some nice little tricks in Durmstrang, " she informed Black, pleased with his horrorstruck expression. She walked away grinning, headed towards Dumbledore's office.

" She will _not_ get away with that, no way in hell, " Black made known as he hurried after her. Yet she had beyond doubt managed to _hex _Sirius Black without getting send to the hospital wing… yet.

" And _we're_ not gonna get away with the fact that we're ten minutes late for Transfiguration ! " Roxy cried out, after having taken a glance at her watch. So we literally ran for our lives to McGonagall's classroom on the third floor. Once arrived, we caught our breath and entered.

" So you actually planned on coming ? " a 30-year-old, tall woman with long, black hair asked scathingly.

" Sorry for the lateness, " Potter answered politely, trying his casual/smooth approach with the professor.

" You're _twenty_ minutes late, M. Potter ! Would you care to explain yourself ? " she demanded, not at all falling for his gallant allure, which for once, I would have hoped could have worked miracles, like it usually always did.

" We were… " he started uncertainly, a first. He was _never _uncertain. That's when brilliant me reluctantly yet determinedly jumped in to save the day :

" - helping Sirius get rid of some hex I had thrown him accidentally but neither one of us knew the counter curse so we brought him to the hospital wing. But then, we ran into Peeves in the corridors who dumped a bucket of paint on Liz - I mean Kathryn - so obviously she had to get cleaned up. And then we found out that paint was somehow permanent and wouldn't get off; I think I saw some at that new joke shop Zonko's last year. So anyway we had to get her to the hospital wing as well and by the time we arrived here… we were late, " I said in the most serious voice I could muster. I also added a touch of annoyance and astonishment to make it sound a bit more realistic. McGonagall looked at me surprised, then unbelieving, then uncertain. I kept my face as straight as I could : getting on this professor's wrong side on the first day of the last year of school was definitely one hell of a bad idea.

" You're meaning to tell me, " Professor McGonagall said very slowly, " that you hexed Mr. Black ? "

" It was accidental of course, " I assured her. I said it with such certainty, such seriousness, the look on her face was closer to doubt than anything else.

This is probably the only time she hadn't seen through me, for she nodded, told us to sit down and went back to telling the class about NEWTS. I sighed a deep sigh of relief.

" Couldn't have done it better myself, " Potter whispered into my ear, whose voice once again sent shivers down my spine. I hated it when he did that. It made me so weak, so powerless, so vulnerable. Damn him.

§§§§§§§§

The next two weeks passed quite uneventfully, essays and tests to study for piling up on everyone's desk, especially the seventh years'. The Quidditch season had started and I hardly saw Roxy outside of classes anymore, what with all the extra practice Potter had established. She had been a chaser on the Gryffindor team since third year, along with another girl in fifth year and Potter who was also captain and a pretty good one too. Gryffindor had never lost a game since he got the position two years ago and he was determined to keep it that way until his very last day at Hogwarts.

Potter and I had decided on a first Prefect Meeting sometime in late September and I was honestly more looking forward to being exiled to Antarctica than I was to going to it. Potter was going to mess up, being the prankster that he is, I knew he would. How could it possibly be avoidable ? I could talk to him… but he'd just take me for an idiot at any rate. And even if I did, what would it matter ? It was in his nature to act like and be an overconfident, exasperating, not-a-care-in-the-world bloke. So with all the reluctance possessing me, I headed down the endless cold corridors of the castle, straight to the library ( although the idea of taking the longest detour by the Astronomy Tower did cross my mind ), straight to the inevitable humiliation I was to undergo, which I hoped would not be particularly memorable for these new prefects.

They looked alright… at first sight. In reality they were vicious. They were _fifteen_, for Merlin's sake, the age where boys and girls alike are carefree as the wind, live on a day-to-day basis, center of their little world (excepting exceptions of course); the age where guys have this grand illumination about the opposite sex. And before you know it, hormones raving, they're chasing girls like it's all that matters and the corrupted victims of this chase love the praise, act all giddy and incorporate this system of what they're supposed to look like and how they're supposed to act. Sad… and Potter is a living proof of that system, the system I've always refused to abide to. That was one of the major differences between him and me and why we lived in worlds so different and therefore so far apart. He acted _fifteen_. How could I possibly get my message through with _him_ as Head Boy ?

I stopped dead in my tracks. Wait… where was I ? I'd been so deep in thought, I hadn't even realized where I was going… I got lost. Fabulous. Absolutely fabulous. Six years in this bloody castle and yet so many mysteries still uncovered. I saw this reality with frustration… and a strange feeling of regret. In any case, I was going to be late now, if I ever found my way back that is…

A single portrait, fast asleep, dim light, spider webs in ever corner, view on the Forbidden Forest, a faint smell of filth and badly brewed potions; the slightest step echoing around the corridor, an ice-cold breeze blowing. This place had a bad feeling to it, and it sure wasn't reassuring. I had never stepped here, that was certain. How was I supposed to find my way back ?

All of a sudden, footsteps. Coming unequivocally my way. Closer and closer by the second. Rooted to the spot with cold fear and uncertainty as to what to do, I finally decided to move against the wall in a shaded corner, hidden by a large pillar of ancient stone. Through the darkness I distinguished an emblem : a symbol of two jade green snakes intertwined around the silver outline of a… a wand with fumes coming out of the end of it. Whatever it meant, it was no good idea to be discovered in such an unsettling place, especially if you were Head Girl. Voices arose, the foot steps became louder and the words easier to understand. I held my breath, preventing air from escaping my mouth under the cold air. I stood as still as a statue, hoping, _praying_ not to be seen.

" I just can't believe him ! Two rolls of parchment ! " the voice of a girl said as she passed feet away from me, utterly unaware of my presence.

" It's just plain evil, " the boy accompanying her agreed, " _Immixta Sanguis_."

" I'm getting sick and tired of this "pureblood" crap, gives us one hell of a bad reputation, " the first girl sighed in exasperation.

The boy replied some answer inaudible to me, the sound of a door opening shook the dead atmosphere of the corridor and only when the door closed did I breathe again. All I wanted was to get out of here, but before I could take a step forward, more footsteps were heard. I groaned, and hid behind the pillar once more. The footsteps were quick and rough on the paved floor, and their echo somehow carried a sense of worry. The fear of being discovered was much more intense now than it had been before. The footsteps stopped, dread swarmed over me. I felt… watched.

" Mischief managed, " a voice whispered to the wind, the words barely audible to me at all.

" Lily, get out of there, " the same voice called much louder in full exasperation but relief. I recognized that someone instantly. I had spent half my life hating that voice. And he was just about the last ( yet also probably the first ) person I wanted to see. I stepped forward, and in the dim light, cold and obscuring, discovered the handsome face of James Potter, his imperious eyes, whose spark gave away a sign close to desperation, glaring at me from behind those black glasses of his. Alright, I was facing James Potter. Facing James Potter was never a pretty sight. So I took matters into my own hands before he took them into his by asking the first and very random question that popped into my head :

" What are you doing here ? "

Lame, very lame, I know…

He gave an irritable and excessively sarcastic laugh : " What am _I_ doing here ? I came to get you that's what ! The Prefect meeting started ten minutes ago, why are you here and not there ? " he inquired compellingly.

" That's none of your business, " I answered sharply. What right did he have to ask questions ? And I didn't need him to come get me, thank you very much.

" Well excuse me for wondering what the muggle born _Head Girl _is doing in front of the Slytherin common room entrance, " he replied self-righteously.

My mouth went dry, I couldn't think of what to answer. The symbol in the stone, the students speaking of purebloods, the smell of potions, it finally clicked. How could I not have noticed…

" I… how did you know I'd be here ? " I inquired, unwilling to admit I had gotten lost.

" I don't need to answer that. You should be thankful I found you ! When exactly did you plan on getting back ? "

" I don't need help from _you_ ! " I snarled heatedly.

" It's _not_ the time to discuss that issue, " he said crossly, clearly making an effort to calm down. Our arguments always started like this and _now_, he was trying to avoid one. Well let him try.

" Well you've always refused to discuss the matter, why should I be surprised ? " I questioned rhetorically. Oh how his eyes betrayed him ! He was dying to have a row at me, to yell, to shout, to express exactly what was on his mind. All his self control was demanded to keep himself from erupting in fury.

" What were you doing here ? " he repeated, this time less forcefully, his eyes nevertheless glittering daggers.

" You don't answer my question, I don't answer yours, " I suggested quickly, although I wasn't sure that was fair on me. I got lost, so what ? Well too late now, Potter was thinking it over, hazel and emerald in inflexible and obstinate connection. I could have stared into his eyes forever.

" Fine, we have a Prefect meeting to preside, you know, " he said casually losing all anger entirely, his eyes still boring into mine.

" Yeah, " I said, not understanding his words at all and sincerely not caring in the slightest. His eyes were… so…

He blinked, I blinked…

" We got a PREFECT MEETING ! " I shouted, absolutely mortified, realization finally sinking in.

" Oh already figured THAT one out, did you ? " Potter asked smartly, his voice thick with exasperation and sarcasm.

" We got to go, we got to get there, my god this is so bad, " I shrieked.

" Lily, it's the other _way_ ! "

" Right… I knew that… "

" Merlin and Agrippa… " Potter rolled his eyes.

Surprisingly, we arrived in the library to find our dear Prefects still there, even though we were half an hour late. Stress was the wall so high I couldn't see the top to go over, shyness had rivers I couldn't imagine I could cross and humiliation suddenly had the clearest connection to my name. How could I possibly destroy the wall, cross the river and break the connection ? Only one answer came to my mind, and even though it was the craziest idea I'd ever thought of, I knew it'd be the only way to gain respect from these maddening fifteen year olds. The one solution… was to be Potter. And if you couldn't _be_ Potter, you had to act like it. And after spending six years with the guy, let's just say I had _some _experience on the matter.

" Sorry to keep you waiting, the Head Girl and I were just - "

" - Patrolling the halls for evidence on the theft of a wand stolen yesterday, " I interrupted casually, putting my plan into action. " You understand it had to be done, and if you must know, the one responsible for this lack of common sense will be severely punished. So if you know _anything_ about it, it's greatly recommended to speak before evidence is oh-so-sadly found against you. Right, Potter ? "

" Absolutely, " he played along instantly and faked seriousness, displaying an advising look on his face : the very much expected response. And before I could stop myself, I found that I was smiling a horribly sweet smile, enjoying my threat towards these poor Prefects who certainly didn't want to defy a Quidditch captain and the best student in the school.

" Right, so let's get started, shall we ? " was my deduction. Taking this game even further, Potter stepped back and pulled out a chair for me to sit in. That was annoying, annoying as hell. But he wouldn't win, certainly not this time when _I_ had thought of this in the first place. I took the seat and let him push it closer to the table.

" Damn you're getting good at this, " he whispered into my ear.

Losing, I am _losing _at my own game…

" I've always been this good Potter, you've just been too much into yourself to realize it, " I snarled.

Winning…

" _No, _I've been too much into _you_. "

Losing, losing… lost. I sighed, he smirked. What chance did I have ? This wasn't just anyone, it was _Potter_. Surely the mistake was to think I could win in enemy territory. This was his game, not mine. But no matter how much expertise he had in this dimension, I'd beat him to it and revenge was on its way.

" Dumbledore has kindly asked us to organize a sort of _entertainment_, in other words, a general school party. And we're counting on you guys to help us make this the greatest thing this school has ever seen, " Potter began. The Prefects had relaxed a bit after that nice little Potter-and-me display.

By the end of it all, we had decided on a couple things :

1) Third years and over ( just in case some ignorant second year Slytherin wanted to pull off some big joke that'd accidentally set something on fire, who knows ? )

2) Just before Christmas time ( that way those who go home for vacation can also go to the party and it gives us time to get everything ready ).

3) Costumes : but not the Halloween kind. Something rather… formal, but if you want to come as James Bond, then go ahead. Extravagant dresses more than welcome. And masks. Can't come without a mask.

4) No one except the six of us should know from now on. We all signed a piece of parchment saying we wouldn't tell anyone else. If we do… let's just say I had the supreme pleasure of jinxing the list.

" Nice work Lils, " Potter told me as the Prefects exited the library pretty thrilled about being the ones to organize this event, leaving us alone with the dozens of notes we had made together. I gave an exasperated sigh and rolled my eyes as way of response.

" No I'm serious, we got a whole lot done, " he insisted.

" Well… " I hesitated. Oh what was the point ? I didn't get through with this alone did I ? " Couldn't have done it without you. " My mouth twitched in a half-smile.

" Lily ? "

" Yes, Potter ? "

It was his turn to roll his eyes. Ok, he'd been nice, right ? We _had_ gotten quite a lot done, and that was partly thanks to him.

" James then, " I sighed.

" Would you take a walk around the lake with me ? "

The words took me by surprise. He'd been nice… but not _that_ nice.

" I don't think so. Sorry, " was my response. I tried to be as warm as possible, but how warm do you get when you reject someone ? It was Potter anyway, as in the guy who you had already rejected twenty billion times.

" Would you join me in a tour of the castle of places I'm sure you've never seen ? " he pursued, a glint of mischief in his eyes. I was tempted, very tempted indeed but kept control.

" Sorry I… I have loads of homework to finish, maybe some other time ? "

" You've done all your homework for the next month, " he grinned persuasively.

" That's not true, " I said defensively.

" Here, I bet you're starving. How about a stroll to the kitchens ? " he suggested.

I _was_ starving. And I wanted to go. And I loved the mischievous look he was giving me, because I wanted that mischief. But I couldn't, of course I couldn't.

" I have to study James, " I told him frankly. I could sense the disappointment he was feeling, although you couldn't have told by looking into his eyes, which was what I had been trying to do without success.

" Right, " he looked away. " It's cool, I'll… I'll see you later then. "

" Bye. "

James' POV :

Damn, what had I been thinking ? Asking her for a walk outside ? I had aimed too high. Of course. Why didn't I just think it over before ? Too obsessed with how marvelous she is and how perfect the moment was maybe ? Yeah that was it. Yet I was slowly… but securely getting there…

A/N : Lily having a thing against fifteen year olds is _her_ opinion, not mine ( in fact, I'm fifteen myself, lol ). The reason she feels that way is that as you can probably guess, James was a real jerk in his fifth year ( pensieve book 5 ) and he's just a constant reminder of what he stood for then ( messing with girls, being stupid ) and how _some _fifteen year old girls reacted absurdly to his charm. Please review !

Thanks to :

**Amalynne O'Hara : **Thanks so much for pointing "gonna" out. I usually put "going to" but sometimes I just forget. I'm glad some people say what they didn't like. I appreciate your reviews girl, you're one of the few who reviewed each chapter ! could you tell me if you know ( this is a basic grammar question i've never understood since i'm french ), you say "the man's house" but you say "binns' class" ? could you please tell me the rule for the apostrophes, it'd get me to stop writing bad grammar !

**Lea Meow My Love :** overly-excited, yes. About the Liz thing, she had other things on her mind than telling the others to call her Kathryn. And why would the others listen to her in the first place ? She's lied to them and they've known Sirius since forever. Why would the others trust Liz when Sirius was against her ? Matthew ? I wrote about a guy named Matthew ? Oh HIM. Ok yeh. I think he's just a random unimportant character for now. Thanx for reviewing darling !

**The-Lone-Lemon :** Thanx for reviewing, I do try with description.

**Evil Gwen :** The R.M. has had several meetings about you. They doubt you can be trusted since I used your floppy to transfer info from one comp to the other. I'd be careful if I were you. I'm not sure I can help much. Oh well, I promise to come to your funeral… lol, thanx for reviewing darling.

**Jesssss :** hey darling. About Liz, she's definitely got a dark past behind her. She isn't 100 percent bad, and she definitely isn't 100 percent good either but… let's just say she's not telling the whole truth. That's all I can say !


	6. Dangerous Defying

Rain inside and out

A/N : Ok people, this is a very loooong chapter for x-mas. Longer than any other chapter, longer even than my oneshot. Hope you like your present ! I won't be updating for a while since I'm gonna spend x-mas at my grandma's who doesn't have internet. Hope everyone is enjoying vacation ( sorry if you don't have any )…

_The anger the sorrow, it seeps on out._

_The frustration the pain it plays about._

_The joy the happiness it's all doubt,_

_Because the anger the sorrow seep on out._

_** - Elizabeth Vornrock**_

Chapter 6 : Dangerous Defying

" Now I've left some notes in my office. If I hear as much as a whisper before I come back, you'll all be spending a month of detention with Mr. Pringle, is that clear ? " Barnes just couldn't help himself from tipping us off viciously. No one uttered a word… until we were sure he was well out of hearing distance.

" So Potter, got that gigantic head of yours deflated recently ? " Malfoy sneered. All the Slytherins laughed.

" Looking for trouble, are you Malfoy ? Thought you'd have enough taking care of your slimy friend Snivellus there. " Black shot back. In a matter of seconds, the four boys had taken out their wands and were pointing them straight to their own opponent. Black and Potter on one side of the room, a sly grin upon their faces, used to doing this about a million times and never losing. Malfoy and Snape on the other, seeking revenge with a sign of what-might-have-been desperation, the anger evident in their eyes.

Severus Snape was a tall boy with greasy black hair who always carried a threatening look about his face, cursing Potter whenever he passed him in the halls and usually getting send to the hospital wing for it. But Potter was no better, hexing Snape just because he felt like it, which only gave Snape more reasons to curse him in his talk. Malfoy on the other hand, came from a pureblood family and never seemed to get tired of mentioning it. Anyone could have told you Potter and Malfoy were absolute opposites but they resembled each other more than one might think. Both thought themselves superior, both figuratively imposed their point of view on the rest of the school. Both came from well-known families, both were constantly looking for trouble with the other. Not to mention they were both specialists in their own subject therefore favorites of the teachers under consideration ( Potter with Transfiguration, Malfoy with Defense Against the Dark Arts ). In any case, you did not want to be in the middle of them when they got to dueling each other, the very reason which should have gotten me not to interpose myself between them in the first place.

" You sit back down right now ! " I shouted to the four of them.

Malfoy snickered : " Get out of the way, mudblood. "

" Shut it, Malfoy. Keep your dirty mouth to yourself, " Potter retorted.

" Aw, need someone to back you up, Evans ? " Malfoy sneered.

" Potter drop it ! " I shouted.

" Wha - " Potter started indignant.

" You heard the piece of vermin, Potter, " Snape cut in deviously.

" WHAT did you call me ?! " I screamed, flashing my wand towards the Slytherin.

" _Calamites ! _"

" _Expeliarmus ! _"

" _Venenium Sanguis ! _"

" _Silesco ! _"

Everything happened in the blink of an eye, jets of light flying off in every direction. I send a disarming spell to Malfoy, whose wand went flying to the other side of the room but the Slytherin managed to send a hex to Black nonetheless who ducked. Potter threw a hex towards Snape, who now bore the resemblance of a huge green frog having cursed the Head Boy and missing his target deplorably.

" That the best you can do, Snivellus ? " Potter laughed.

" Roxy ! " I cried, seeing my friend's body dropping to the floor.

" What did you do, Snape, what the hell did you do ?! " Adriane cried furiously, approaching Roxy's body, unconscious on the cold ground.

" Not my problem, " Snape said implacably, a mysterious glint in his eye, the one thing that scared me the most about this boy. He was mystifying, in the worse of ways, and it brought shivers down my spine not to understand a mere speck of his intentions.

" Damn right it's your problem ! " Potter yelled, examining our friend's pulse at her wrist.

" James, don't touch her ! " Liz cried. Potter backed away uncertainly as the tall girl dropped to Roxy's side and pushed him aside rather aggressively.

" What ? What is it ? " he asked.

" This Snape guy is a Slytherin, right ? " she half-whispered.

" Of course he is, " he assured her, his voice low.

Liz ripped Roxy's sleeve up to her forearm, sighed in infuriation then delicately pulled our friend's hair back to examine the back of her neck. There she traced the thin, black line imprinted deep into her skin near her shoulder blade with the tip of her finger. I gasped in horror.

" How do you know… ? " he asked slowly.

" You _know_ how I know, " Liz whispered darkly under her breath before setting her gaze imperatively on Potter, " is she a muggle born ? "

Potter turned to look at me. " No, she's half. " I said. Liz sighed.

" Take her to the hospital wing, _now_. "

" Is she going to be alright ? " he inquired.

" She'll be ok, but you're wasting time, _go_. " Her face was suddenly pale.

" I'll get you back for this, mark my words. " Potter said to Snape in the darkest tone of voice I've ever heard him use as he picked up Roxy.

" I'll come with you, " I said immediately.

" Look I… I got it under control… " he stammered in saying.

" I'm coming with you, " I repeated forcefully.

" Ms Pomfrey'll tell you to leave anyway. Stay in class, Lily, she'll be fine. " And as he gave me that look of sheer determination, I couldn't help but believe him. And before I could protest he carried her out of the room, under Barnes' skeptical glare, who rolled his eyes as though it were a mere typical sight and flamboyantly reentered his classroom, already calling out to us in a speech involving courtesy and respect which he had without a doubt recited to his mirror ( _poor mirror_, I thought ) a million times until it was perfect. _Perfect_ wasn't the best word to describe the scruffy, dark haired, sharp faced professor that was Barnes for this sudden declaration. Some more appropriate adjective would have been _hopeless case of absurdity wasting breath_.And so the class droned on, my only thought being how Roxy was.

Of course I questioned Liz ( who had regained color ) about it, but she gave me the same answer : " she'll be fine as long as she's taken care of, don't worry bla bla bla. " Though she refused to tell me exactly what it was Roxy had. For some strange reason she didn't want to discuss it, and stared out the window, avoiding my gaze. Maybe it brought up her past, therefore I didn't push it any further. Later I saw her staring hard at a piece of black-tainted parchment, then glaring at Black himself before crumbling the note and throwing it out the window in frustration…

By the end of the lesson, Potter still wasn't back. I went to Herbology with Adriane and Liz, and after two hours of studying Magmatarians ( some bizarre, iridescent, black, leafy shrub whose only goal in life is to set itself on fire repeatedly ), _he_ still hadn't returned, and neither had she.

The tension started building up inside of me as air forced into a balloon : eventually… it blows up. While hoping for the best, I started imagining the worst. I kept thinking Snape wasn't that good at hexing in the first place so he couldn't have hurt Roxy that badly. But then again he _was_ a Slytherin, and who knew what was behind his dirty little mind ? The enigmatic, intent look he had given me earlier seemed to follow me everywhere. Fiddling with my fingers, chewing on my fingernails, curling loose streaks of hair, biting my bottom lip, when I get nervous : I. Really. Get. Nervous.

" Lily, she's going to be fine, I assure you. Would you _please_ calm down ? " Adriane said.

" _How_ do you expect me to- " Adriane gave me a look as mere minutes of class remained before lunch. " Ok, she's fine, she's gonna be fine, " I told myself though I couldn't exactly bring myself to believe it.

_Narrator' POV :_

Roxy stirred in the bed closest the window giving view directly on the Quidditch pitch in the hospital wing of Hogwarts. First thing she felt as she woke up was a sting in the back of her neck, like the rest of a fire slowly dying, burning her skin. First thing she saw was the blur of a face inches from hers, concern written all over it. She screamed in shock.

" Shut up ! Calm down ! Jesus ! " the person whispered urgently. Roxy shut up but didn't relax.

" You scared the _hell_ out of me ! Never do that again, you hear me ? _Never_, " she warned, leaning against the pillow, chest heaving in unsteady breaths.

Footsteps, quick and sudden…

" Damn it… "

" Who's there ? " Ms Pompfrey cried, hurriedly entering the hospital wing.

Roxy looked around confusingly, still shaken from her sudden visitor, but saw nothing, no one besides the young nurse in her uniform.

" Oh you're up, dear. Must have had a bad dream, that's all. Nothing to worry about. Drink up, dear. " Ms Pomfrey said warmly as she brought a cup to Roxy's lips before leaving the room, advising the girl to get some rest.

" Ok, don't freak out, " a voice said softly, " I'm under an invisibility cloak. "

" Who… what- "

The figure appeared out of thin air beside her bed.

" Damn, you sure know how to wake someone up, " Roxy said, the pain not leaving her neck, which she rubbed distractively with her left hand.

" Sorry, " he replied, getting up from the chair he had been sitting on. " And don't touch it, more warmth will make it worse. "

" Wait a minute, this isn't right. What's up with my head ? Why am I here ? And why are _you_ here, James ? "

" Snape tried to hex me in Defense Against the Dark Arts but he missed his target and got you instead. I don't know what it is, but by the look Liz gave me, it sounded bad. You just fell unconscious in the middle of the classroom so I thought I should get you to the hospital wing since I _did _have something to do with you ending up here, " he explained.

" Ooook. But that doesn't make sense, why didn't you just get back to class ? "

" Because I had other options, " he said with a grin, pointing to his cloak. " Don't tell anyone about that, by the way. "

" James, you hate catching stuff up, " she noticed. He sighed.

" All right, it's not the only reason I'm here, " he admitted, sitting back onto the chair.

" Oh let me guess… Lily ? "

" Yes. "

" You still like her ? "

" _Like_ her ? I'm _crazy_ about the girl ! " James exclaimed.

" I see… " Roxy said slowly.

" Can you just tell me one thing ? What the hell is up with her ? " he questioned, terribly intrigued.

" She likes you that's what's up with her, " Roxy replied simply.

" Please. If she likes me, why does she act like she hates my guts ? "

" She _does _hate your guts, James. But that doesn't mean she can't like you all the same. I'm guessing she doesn't want to admit it. Going out with you would be admitting she was wrong. It'd be giving in to you, making you triumphant. And Merlin knows she just can't do that so she's denying it all she can, " she speculated.

" She takes some interest in me, then. So what I should do is… ? "

" Make her think you don't care about her. Stop asking her out and… " Roxy replied, thoughtful.

" And what ? " James asked.

" Make her jealous, " the girl answered, smiling mischievously.

" I've tried that already, " he sighed.

" No you haven't. I mean sure, you've gone out with dozens of girls but you always dumped them after a week so why would she be jealous of girls with who you messed ? "

" Good point. This would mean getting in a real relationship with a girl, " he sighed uncertainly. " I don't know if I can do that. "

" Come on, it's just another bit of acting, " she concluded.

" But who knows how long it could take ? Months, for all we know ! I'm not going to stand going out with the some girl I don't have feelings for for months. "

" Well… " she pondered. She looked at him thoughtfully and he understood.

" You mean you, don't you ? " he raised an eyebrow.

" It could work, " she said determinedly, " say you got tired of chasing Lily and found your Quidditch partner suddenly especially attractive. "

" Yeah, sure, " he laughed, " But… I can't lie to her, Roxy. It'd mean lying to her face every single minute of the day. I can't do that. "

" Think of it as… you're lying to her, but she's lying to you all the same. Denial is a form of lying… technically… well you get my point ! And you'd be doing it for her, too. She hates you because of what you make her feel. You'd be… freeing her basically. That's my view on it in any case, " Roxy said.

" Allright, I guess if you look at it that way, " he admitted, " but… why do this for me ? "

" For one, I'm sick and tired of hearing Lily bitch and complain about you every single hour of my life when even though you sometimes really are one hell of an asshole, you're a good guy. Second, it'd be fun. Third it'd piss all those Hufflepuff bimbos off. Fourth - "

" Ok, I get it ! But let's make one thing clear, I do not have feelings for you. "

" Don't make me laugh. I've had my eye on Sirius for - "

Roxy brought her hand on her mouth, regretting having ever mentioned her best friend's enemy's best friend. James just smiled.

" They're all crazy about him anyway, " he said.

" I am not ! " she cried.

" If you say so, " he replied, dismissing the subject…

_Lily's POV :_

I strode straight to the hospital wing over lunch. I walked so fast, I scared myself. But Adriane and Liz had no problem keeping up. I broke into the hospital wing rather… informally, which had for direct effect every person there looking up as the door swung open. It's not like I cared, I was here for Roxy and – wait, don't tell me…

" Potter ? " I inquired. Surely he'd been gone hours ago.

" Oh hi, Lily. I was just leaving. I'll come see you later ok ? " he said softly to Roxy before – no… _kissing _her forehead and _smiling_ kindly ? I gave him a cold glare as he got up from the chair, although he didn't even notice, smiling like an idiot as he left the hospital wing.

" Roxy, would you explain what the - "

" Lily, don't give me that look ! " Roxy laughed, " it's alright, I swear. "

" Are you two going out ? " Adriane asked.

" Um… yes ? " Roxy answered sheepishly.

The words struck me like a thousand knives. I wanted to throw up, I really did.

" But Roxy ! How can you even – I mean, come on ! Its…" I was struggling to get the words out, getting angrier by the second. I was mad, I was confused, I didn't understand, I…

" Look Lily, please don't take it badly ! I know what you're going to say. That he's going to play with me, that he'll mess me up like every other girl he's ever gone out with- "

" Then _why_ did say yes ?! " I exclaimed, unbelieving and fuming with rage.

" He's changed ! And if you can't understand that then… just listen to me. He and I got closer during all that Quidditch practice, and I've gotten to know that other side of him, the sweet, kind, smart side and I want to be with him. I want to share more than just Quidditch with him and - " she was looking into space, smiling.

" Ok, but since _when_ did you give up on Sirius ? " Adriane questioned, not exactly agreeing or disagreeing with me. Roxy sighed dramatically.

" Aah the feelings I had for him started to fade since the beginning of this year. I just couldn't picture myself with him anymore. I can't explain it, it's just… whatever part of him was in me left. He's immature, he's not serious- "

" Neither is Potter ! " I interjected.

" Lily, please ! Let her explain ! " Adriane cried.

" Well I'm _sorry_ if I just don't understand this ! I don't see what you could _possibly_ want with Potter ! He is _nothing_ more than- "

" Lily, I don't want to hear it ! " Roxy said. " You don't know him, alright ? You've seen one side of him, you've never bothered trying to get to know him. And don't get me wrong, I admit he really didn't deserve your friendship sometimes in the past, but he's changed, Lily. He's grown up, and I like the new him. "

I shook my head in frustration, unable to believe the situation. How could it be possible ? I was dreaming, this wasn't real, it _couldn't _be…

" I…Potter _can't _change, " I said softly.

" He can and he has, " was Roxy's reply.

" I mean, he's not as bad as before. He doesn't hex the Slytherins as constantly anymore and he's not asking you out all the time either, Lily, " Adriane brought this evidence into light. For once _why_ couldn't she agree with me on this one ? This was our friend we were talking about ! Not some bimbo with no brain !

" I'm just worried for you, " I said calmly, fear and incomprehension replacing anger.

" I know you are darling, but please try to understand me. He's not going to mess with me and I know he has feelings for me because... "

I stood there, not quite understanding at all, not quite believing what was happening in the first place. Potter… and Roxy ? It was unlike anything I'd ever have expected.

" How do you know he's not going out with you to get me jealous ? " I shot.

" Would you stop thinking the world revolves around _you_ ? " Roxy spat. " Why can't you just accept the fact that he might have feelings for _me_ for once ? "

" How do you know he _does_ ? " I snapped.

" He told me to my face ! " Roxy shouted. " He stayed by my bedside for the past _three_ hours instead of going to class, just so he could talk to me ! "

" I… " my breath was cut short.

" Look, if this is going to ruin our friendship then… I just won't bother with him, I don't have to go out with James, " Roxy said.

" No, I'm not going to- "

" It's alright Lily, I know you _hate_ him so if you can't stand me going out with him, then... "

" Roxy listen to me. Go out with him if you want, I won't ruin this for you. It's just I can't believe he could change just like that and I'm… I'm just worried you'll end up hurt, " I told her honestly.

" Ok, I guess I can understand that... "

" Um… I don't mean to interrupt anything but if we don't go have some lunch, we're not going to have time to eat anything before afternoon classes start, " Liz told us.

" Right ! I um… are you feeling ok ? " I asked Roxy.

" I'm fine, the hex wasn't that bad at all, " she assured me.

" Ok, that's good. How long do you think you'll be in here for ? " Adriane asked.

" I should be out tomorrow, " Roxy replied.

" We'll come check up on you later then, " I told her as we left the hospital wing, " do get some rest, ok ? "

" Not that bad a hex, my ass, " Liz muttered under her breath, her voice barely audible.

" What do you mean ? " I asked her, feeling my stomach clench.

" Let's just say I'd watch out for this Snape guy if I were you. That hex could have done a lot more damage if… "

" If what ? " I insisted.

" Nothing, forget it. The only thing that matters is that she's ok, right ? " Liz said, suddenly pasting a look of relief and happiness on her face. It looked real, full of honesty, though I could tell it was nothing of the sort. I remembered her pale face, her thin lips, her frustration when ripping Roxy's sleeve. This wasn't just some random hex, and she knew it. She'd experienced it…

But as we walked down the corridors of the castle, passing by unnamable portraits and uncountable secret passageways we'd never know the existence of, I really hadn't felt less hungry in my life.

" Look, why don't you go to lunch ? I'm… I think I need some fresh air, I'm not that hungry after all, " I said, already walking the other way and waving so they couldn't protest me leaving alone.

I greeted the cold autumn air with thankfulness and relief. I felt the harsh, yet calming wind brush across my face, as though knowing, conscious of my emotions inside. It transported me to the grounds, where I was left to think in peace. In all honesty I didn't want to think about it. And what could I possibly think ? What was worth being thought ? That I'd kill Potter the first chance I got ? Sure, that'd help a lot of things. I sighed. My eyes slipped closed. I don't know how long I stayed like this, but I knew by the time my eyes found sight again and the harsh reality that lay ahead, I'd have better been back to the castle.

I got up and headed back, crossing my arms over my chest when… I noticed a glint of black in the green grass. Realization sinking in, I picked up Liz's note…

It was the very next day that I was reminded just how much chaos and horrifying states of mind Voldemort had established. As I was walking hurriedly back from the library after two long and tiring hours working almost pointlessly on Barnes' particularly complex essay on the use of Dragon Skin, I happened to bump into someone, who not only knocked me off my feet, but had the audacity to laugh.

" Don't bother getting up, mudblood, " the cold, sly voice of Lucius Malfoy scorned. " You're no better than dirt. " He started walking away.

" If I'm no better than dirt, you're no better than a pile of rotten dung bombs, " I called back, gathering my books and notes spread across the floor. He stopped in his tracks, hesitantly at first, then spun around.

" What right do you have to be studying here anyway ? Can you tell me that, mudblood ? " he asked viciously. I was back on my feet now, feeling strangely… rebellious. The mere sight of Malfoy should have scared me after what happened yesterday, but no particle of fright composed my body at that moment. I was hungry… hungry for vengeance on what it was I was constantly seen as.

" You been having fun killing people lately, Malfoy ? Can't see what even Voldemort could possibly see in scum like you in the first place, " I spat back.

" How dare you speak his name ! " he roared, his temper rising in revulsion.

" Who ? Voldemort ? " Malfoy flinched at the name yet again. " Oh I have _no_ trouble speaking his despicable name, don't worry about that ! "

" I'll teach you some manners, " the Slytherin muttered infuriately under his breath, taking out his wand and getting into dueling position.

" Oh I think you need a taste of your own medicine Malfoy, " I shot, taking out my own wand, the maddening eagerness of finally facing the very people who participated in making me feel inferior and unimportant in this school taking me over. The fury was overpowering, the temptation of dueling Lucius Malfoy alone with no one to help him being an exciting dream become reality. Through my veins flowed the greatest satisfaction, the settling of scores was my oxygen, the need to prove myself that I endured would be satisfied at last. I was ready as I would ever be and today would be the day I would finally -

" What the hell do you think you're doing Malfoy ? " another voice, this one brave and defiant, interfered. _Nooo_. _Not _here. _Not _now.

" Leave Potter, I can take care of this ! " I shouted across the hall. He ignored me.

" Ten points from Slytherin for misconduct towards the Head Girl ! " he said, thinking it highly amusing.

" Ten points to Slytherin for arrogance on the Head Boy's part ! " I cried.

" Lily ! " Potter exclaimed.

" I said LEAVE ! "

" But he's - "

" ARE YOU DEAF ?! GO ! "

" You heard the mudblood Potter, she doesn't need help from an arrogant jerk like you ! " Malfoy sneered.

" You keep your mouth shut - " Potter started.

" POTTER LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE ! " I screamed.

" _Excetradentio! _"

For a moment, my vision was reduced to a mere blur, a flash of blue, white and green like an impressionist painting. My head could have burst with the intensity of the pain, and the voices faded and echoed incomprehensively in my ears. Then just as suddenly as the experience had come, it left, leaving me feeling perfectly normal except for….

" AAH ! " I shrieked as thin and scaly red snakes hissed on top of my head, replacing my hair. Malfoy was laughing his head off, hysterically amused by the wonders of the hex that caused my embarrassment.

" THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT POTTER ! " I shouted at the very top of my lungs, fuming with rage and feeling horribly dejected with humiliation. Potter started mumbling something that sounded like an apology but I didn't care. I couldn't have cared less about anything in the whole world than Potter stupidly making up excuses for making me look exactly like what I seemed to be. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't stand _him_. Just my chance and he had to ruin it ! My blood was boiling, my fury as uncontrollable as a herd of wild boars.

_How could he, how _dare _he ?!_

I punched Potter. Hard. His nose started bleeding and I was expecting a broken or sprained wrist on my part. Malfoy only laughed harder.

" This is – ha ha ha– priceless ! " he said in frenzied laughter.

" SHUT UP ! " Potter and I chorused. Malfoy didn't have the time to stop laughing before he was hit by both our hexes. The whole scene resembled nothing more than an unconscious, huge red canary with pus-filled warts and cow spots in the middle of a corridor with the reincarnation of a mythological creature and a ring fighter who got badly hit.

" Say, we got him pretty well, " Potter had the audacity to remark.

" Potter, I don't want you to _ever_ talk to me again ! Is that clear ?! " I shouted, eyes glittering with rage. " And if you mess with my best friend, if you play her like you played all the others, you're going to wish you were never born. Because I swear I will _murder _you, Potter. I will _murder _you if that's the last thing I do. " The last words were spoken low, almost a whisper, my voice ice cold and aggressive. He didn't respond ( from shock in all probability ) and just looked dumbfounded. It was better that way. I wasn't expecting an answer, I wasn't expecting excuses, and yet as I walked straight to the Hospital Wing for " a new haircut " and perhaps something for my throbbing wrist, I wasn't expecting him to abide to my demand to be left alone either.

A/N : Sorry for the cliffhanger about Lily finding the note ! Do forgive me, I couldn't stop myself. You'll find out about that next chapter. Merry Christmas ! Hope 2005 is full of love, happiness and laughs for you all !

Thanks to :

**Amalynne O'Hara : **hey girl, thanks so much for the grammar lesson ! I needed that, I had no idea it had to do with singular/plural, whoo english grammar is too much for me, lol. Masked ball…. hum… let's just say you're gonna get some surprises wink wink. In any case, you're mom speaks French ? Canada ? France ? Oh tell me all about it.

**Raven** : You don't know Elizabeth Vornbrock ???? Are you crazy ??? No I'm just kidding, I'm the crazy one, don't mind me. Liz is my very good friend living in Iowa who writes poetry damn well, the reason each of my chapters start with a poem ( concerning the story ) written by her. Thanks so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it !

**Lea-hail Mary, I've sinned : **hey little sis. Yes remember in some HP book, Ron and Harry found the Slytherin common room by accident ( well not really, I think they followed Draco in it or something ). She calls James "James" because she doesn't want to be a bitch, it's that easy to understand. But she's not gonna keep at it, don't worry. It was just a one-time thing, lol cause he was being nice and all.

**Nat the termite : **thanx for reviewing my cherie, and telling me what you liked.

**Gotha-gurl :** I'm happy you like my fic, keep reviewing and I'll keep updating…

**Jess : **hey, cliffhangers are fun, trust me they are… for me anyway, lol. Chapter 5 didn't finish on a cliff hanger. Ok so the 6th one kinda did, And don't bother asking lea any questions about Liz, she doesn't know a thing, haha. I hope you like chapter 6, I had fun writing it. About Liz… she's going to lead the others into trouble in later chapters and it's gonna mess shit up. Ok great, I've said too much. Keep reviewing dear !

**Amanda : **I'm glad you like it, thanx for your review !

**Cachou : **haha, let me laugh. Don't harass me too much though otherwise I'll be so stressed I don't write anything anymore. Thanx for reviewing deary.

**FlOrA : **hey thanx for reviewing, keep at it ! I love to hear from you, hope you like this chapter !


	7. Everlasting Aversion

Rain inside and out

A/N : Hey all, sorry I took so long for this chapter, I was kind of disappointed by the lack of reviews for chapter 6 actually, and that wasn't motivating. Hope you like this chapter anyway… **Lea Meow **is the best, I love you babe !

**Out of the darkness**

**There she crawls **

**Covered in blood**

**And tethered shawls**

**Lurking in my shadow**

**Chasing you away**

**In your heart for a second **

**She will not let me stay**

**I try to get away**

**But I fear I cannot **

**She has me bound **

**And that I cannot stop **

**The chains are strong**

**The ropes very tight **

**They cut into my skin **

**Day and night**

**She sucks out my happy**

**And gives me only bad**

**All I can ever feel **

**Is rage and mad**

**I do hate you **

**But yet again I don't **

**I despise you with a passion **

**Sometimes I won't**

**She makes me feel things**

**That hurt me deep down**

**She keeps changing **

**My world around**

_- Elizabeth Vornbrock_

Chapter 7 : Everlasting Aversion 

_Narrator's POV :_

" We have to stop this, we're only making things worse ! " James told Roxy in the middle of the library, a day after the Malfoy incident.

" Look, she's only pissed at the fact we're going out because she's jealous. I see no other reason for it, " Roxy argued, chewing on the end of a quill as she flipped through the pages of a Divination book.

" Oh I do ! She can't stand the sight of me, and she won't accept some self-centered idiot such as myself dating her best friend, where's the mystery in that ? "

Roxy shook her head in exasperation : " That's just an excuse. Trust me, this is only the first step. She's been used to denial for the best part of her life, give her some time to see how she really feels. "

" She hates me, Roxy, she really does. "

The blue eyed girl closed her book and focused her gaze on the irresolute boy : " What happened yesterday ? " she asked with narrowed eyebrows.

" I wish I could tell you but… I hardly know myself. She was… extremely angry, I don't understand why. "

_Lily's POV :_

A week had passed. It'd been a week since I'd had the scare of my life for my friend's health, a week since I'd undergone the worst humiliation of my existence yet, a week since I'd found that strange piece of black parchment on the school grounds and whose signification I still didn't understand.

Ignorance had become my one policy. Knowing Potter, I had easily predicted he would _not_ be leaving me alone, and he surely wouldn't be giving up on trying to talk to me. So the week passed by quite eventfully, the only words I managed to utter towards him being the occasional hexes, for the mounting anger I felt towards his more-than-ever-conceited being had not ceased to increase.

As for Roxy I was avoiding her like the plague, the only communication we ever had being "hi" or "pass the salt, please ?" And no doubt about it, I missed her. The old her, for she had changed into someone else. She was… _dating_ Potter, and not caring to listen to her own best friend. But these days, I didn't know what was what anymore; what with her, Potter, and the strange attitude Liz had picked up all week, always looking into space with a distraught look on her face, seeming so deep into her thoughts it appeared impossible to reach her. Even then I knew her well enough to know she was not her normal self. Awkward events had followed each other during the week but I was too perplexed to bother adding them up or make any sense out of any of them.

So I stood immobile on my bed, eyes unblinking and focusing hard as I tried to pierce the mystery of the two sentences written by none other than the infamous Sirius Black. I reread the note once, twice, a dozen times until I knew every detail by heart but still didn't understand a word of it.

_You can't escape your past, Eliza. Now it's all falling apart, now you know how it feels._

The door creaking open woke me from my trance and instinct pushed the parchment under my pillow in an attempt to keep this secret. It was Roxy.

" Hey… " she said softly. I took a sudden fascination for the window frame.

" Look, could you at least talk to me, it's not like I've done anything wrong is it ?" she pursued, the hurt evident in her voice.

" What is there to say ? " I asked almost absent-mindedly, looking out to the trees' dance as the wind brushed across their naked branches. " You've made a tremendous mistake, you'll end up hurt and you're ignoring the one person who can help you prevent this. "

" You're making him sound like the worse person on Earth, " she said.

" He's close to it, " I replied coldly, the week's events flashing through my mind. How my wand fit so subtlety within my fingers, how it all became so clear, how perfect the moment was… and the disaster that came out of it.

" You honestly believe that ? " she questioned with half of what seemed like astonishment.

I sighed, slowly looked up at her tense form beholding inquiring eyes, and let a tear of rage slide down my cheek.

_I had been _so_ close._

" He proved to me he was in no way worthy of the slightest effort of friendship on my part. He completely underestimated me, and I will never forgive him, " I said.

" But why, Lily ? What is it that he's done to make you hate him so badly ? " Roxy sat next to me, her sweet face in the sunlight.

_"Ten points from Slytherin for misconduct towards the Head Girl !"_

His proud, laughing voice echoing in my mind wasn't just a mere assimilation of words. He had gone beyond being inconsiderately egotistical, he had obtained or regained a supercilious state of mind. I'd barely been able to stand him before, but now, it was no longer a game of pranks and jokes. This time, he'd crossed the line, he had gone way too far, so far that I couldn't even tell my friends about it. In many ways I had failed, I had let myself down. I had lost something so important, something that meant the world to me : recognition. And for failing to be recognized, I felt ashamed.

" Lily, what happened ? " Roxy repeated, this time more forcefully.

" I… " I stared into her face, a mixture of worry, fear and confusion, and my mind went blank. I could not speak, I had no will get the words out. " I can't explain. "

Roxy sighed. She'd tried all week to get it out of me, any sort of response, in vain. And in a way, the trust I had placed in her had diminished for how in the world could Potter not have told her, how could she not have heard the rumours ? There were signs. Everywhere. Even if Malfoy _had_ been knocked out by a couple hexes and had looked nothing like his normal pathetic self for a while, it was nothing compared to the new reputation I had since last week. Those mere minutes had been enough to grant me a lifetime of "you're _incapable_ and _powerless_, mudblood"...

Later that day I entered the common room, which was empty as usual since everyone was at dinner and lazily climbed the stairs to the girls' dormitories, but found that I couldn't open the door to the seventh year's dorm.

_Probably some trick from the second years,_ I thought. I took out my wand and tried the _Alohamora_ spell, to no avail. _Claustrorum, _the replacement-for-any-key charm didn't work either and my last hope, the _catenae_ spell against any sort of frontier, died out as the mysterious lock on the door resisted. Aggravated I came back down to the common room, deciding on starting an Astronomy chart until someone came around.

" You took long enough to give up, " Potter's amused voice made me jump. He was lying back in an armchair, his face obscured by the shadows of the dimly light room. His mere presence brought my blood to boil, but logically that's what he wanted and I wasn't about to act as if I gave a damn about him. I walked across the room, and to my most delightful pleasure… found the entrance door locked as well. I spun around and I swear I could have _heard_ him smiling. Oh how badly I wanted to hit him… again.

" Come on Lils, I know you're dying to ask me how I did it. "

And in fact I did, because I'd tried every charm I knew, and I had not been able to solve the problem. And _that_ was overpoweringly frustrating. But no way in hell was I going to utter a single word to him. He loved to drive me insane using provocation and hated it when I made use of indifference against him. So I went back to homework, pulling parchment and ink out of my bag as I settled around the table.

Yet I felt as though he'd bore a hole through my head if he didn't stop staring so intently at me. I sighed in exasperation : I obviously couldn't get out of this one the way I had planned to.

" What do you want ? " I asked him unconcernedly, looking up at where he was sitting. He grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief and somewhat of a disturbing spark.

" You're talking again. Good. " was his Machiavellian answer as he got up from his seat and slowly made his way towards me. I refused to look down and loathed him more with every step he took, as he carelessly closed the distance between us until we were just three feet apart. I remained unconditionally still.

" Maybe you're deaf, or incredibly stupid. I said, what do you want ? "

" You've been refusing to talk to me, " he called.

" With good reason, " I spat.

" Care to explain ? "

" Actually, I don't. I don't have anything to say to you, I thought I had already made that abundantly clear."

" You know, " he said with a meagre smile, " in normal circumstances I really couldn't care less about you. But you're acting like a bitch towards Roxy with no good reason and that I'm not going to stand for. "

" Oh really ? " I said, my words soaked with sarcasm. " And how do you expect me to support her in her decision, when after all, she's dating an asshole ? "

" At least I have the decency to insult you to your face !" he shot.

" And what do you call this ?" I shot back.

" I call this stubbornness ! You can't ever admit that you're wrong, that's what ! You always need to prove yourself, prove you're better than everybody else ! And you know what comes out of wanting to be the best- "

" _Excuse _me ! " I cried, outraged.

" Yes ! You want to be the best and you're losing your friends in the process. Roxy's bloody tired of your arrogance ! Do others even exist in your little world ? "

" Should I laugh or cry ? Please do tell me Potter, because I really am most terribly intrigued. _Who_ am I talking to ? Who else than the most famous Quidditch player Hogwarts has probably ever seen ! The worst womanizer and player of all history ! The one who can't go from one classroom to another without hexing a couple Slytherins along the way ! Come on, do you never get tired of your egocentric self ? Always acting like you know everything there is to know, that you can get whatever you want whenever you want it ! And you want to talk about who wants to be the best, about _arrogance_ ? "

" You're using the old arguments, Lily, " he declared with disgust. " The ones you've always used and that, I will admit, used to work. But you. Don't. Know. Me. You never have. All you've ever bothered to see is my bad side- "

" The only side you've ever shown me ! How can you expect me to suddenly like you when you've never given me a decent reason to ? "

" That's not true. It's not true and you know it. I've taken my share of responsibility since last year and that you can't deny. "

" Oh yeah ? What do you call last week ! " I found myself shouting.

" I tried talking this out with you but I got to a point where I was tired of running after some uncaring, ignorant idiot in the attempt to apologize when you gave the clear impression you didn't give a damn in the first place. Point is, I really like Roxy, and whereas I might have messed up every relationship I've had in the past, you're not going to ruin this one for me. Why can't you just accept the fact we're going out ? I don't know what it is with you, be it jealousy or a mere hit on your ego, who knows ? "

" You want to know why ? Because I don't trust you. I don't believe for a _minute_ that there could be any honesty in your so-called-feelings towards her. "

A cry of disbelief escaped him : " You know it's pretty damn ironic I happen to be the only one you don't trust, the only one you can't forgive. And you're going to tell me it's my fault ? Well hell no, I'm not going to fall for that. I don't think it's just me anymore, you are _naturally_ suspicious, you trust no one and then you can't accept for a second that someone might have something against you. Well here's news, Lils, everyone on this planet can't love you ! " he yelled.

" Well look here, Potter. You think you're so smart, hun ? Well like it or not, you don't know me either. If you had the slightest knowledge of who I am, you'd know I don't work for others. I don't work to please teachers and show everyone I have the best grades in this school ! I work because I have to, because my future, my _life_ depends on it ! "

" You call what you're living a life ? You spend your weekends studying, you never go out. There's nothing beyond school for you is there ? " he exclaimed.

" That's not the point ! You have no idea what it's like to be a muggle born, Potter ! You've got it easy being a pureblood, respected even by your own enemies because they know that in the end, you can never be considered a piece of shit just because of the stupid nobility of the blood running through your veins ! "

" Am I blind, or is it you who can't you see the contradiction in your words ? One time you're saying you work for yourself, another you're saying it's to prove yourself as a muggle born, and therefore to prove yourself to others !"

" I don't care about proving myself to others ! "

" You're not making any sense…" he shook his head. " Unless… " He looked thoughtful for a minute, and suddenly the anger in his eyes turned to bewilderment. I feared what he was about to say.

" Don't tell me… you're starting to believe them ? "

" Well what do you expect, Potter ? " I said seething. " After all the insults, all the " you're worthless " all the time, you start… you start to doubt, " I spoke in all sincerity, an openness which surprised me.

" Lils… "

" Oh shut up ! " I cried. " If you ever gave a damn, you would have left me alone long ago ! Why did you come between Malfoy and me, Potter ? Why did you have to ruin this for me ! " I said, a lake of tears forming in my eyes.

" And why can't you admit you _need_ people in life ? " he exclaimed. " You're always acting like you're Miss Absolutely Independent of the year ! "

" I certainly don't need _you_. " I spat.

" I never said the contrary ! " he replied, although I could see past his lying eyes.

" Well then why do you always come in at the worst of times ? You don't know what you did last week. No you've got no bloody idea, do you ? " I finally realized. " You humiliated me, Potter- "

" And I've apologized ! "

" I don't care for a lame excuse of an apology, damn it ! This is way past something I'll ever be able to forgive you. Yeah you changed; I'm the first to say so. You've gone past being an idiot. Now you're… you're… I can't even find the words to describe how far you've gone. You've turned mean and spiteful and… you've hurt me, worse than any other time, I hope you realize that. If you had left me with him, if only you hadn't gotten in the way I could have finally… " a tear slid down my cheek. Again, this was too much to handle.

Potter said nothing for a moment, as though considering me.

" Why do you feel the need to prove to Malfoy that you're not worthless ? " he said softly. " Why do you care about his opinion ? There are so many people out there who respect you for who you are- "

" Like you, is that it ? "

" Well yes. "

I scoffed in disgust : " If you had any respect for me, you would have had the decency to let me take Malfoy on. "

" And let him harm you ? "

" That's not your bloody problem, Potter ! It was my choice, you did not have a _right_ to interfere just because you think I can't defend myself ! " I kept on shouting, finally expressing the thoughts that tormented my conscience since last weekend.

" You don't know what Malfoy's capable of, Lily ! You think his hexes are just typical ones he learns in prank books ? Now who else but his father could be one of Voldemort's lead followers ? Malfoy has been taught the dark arts since he was able to speak ! And what a nice opportunity for him to be alone with a muggle born such as yourself in the middle of an empty corridor. Hell he can use any curse he wishes, who will ever know he did it ? "

" I'd rather have been alone in that corridor than with you, " I said through clenched teeth.

" Excuse me for caring then ! "

" Well maybe you should _stop_ caring ! Why do you persist in following me just so you can- " I stopped abruptly. The look in his hazel eyes told me it was a mistake.

" Wait, is this what this is about ? " he inquired incredulously. " You think I still love you and that's why I came between you and Malfoy? Stop dreaming and wake up to reality, Lily. I'm way over you. I'm not as stupid as you may think; I don't wait on people who couldn't give less of a damn about me. In fact I wasted enough time on you as it is. The only reason I interfered was because I was worried about a fellow _Gryffindor_, not about _you_. "

His eyes were ablaze, holding an unbreakable with mine, and were the worst implication of his frustration and revulsion towards me. For a full minute, his gaze didn't leave mine. Outside I was furious about what he had said, what he considered me to be. However, he hadn't spoken all lies and that had shattered me. But I'd have rather fallen dead on the spot than let it show and all I could use for protection was to hold his gaze, as hard as I could, a mask of strength against a reality of weakness.

" James, you in there ? " a voice called outside the common room.

Potter didn't respond.

" Prongs, open the door ! " the same voice pursued.

This time, his hazel eyes betrayed my emerald ones as he, wand in hand, made his way to the door.

" I hate you, " I said quietly, the deepest honesty speaking while he turned his back on me. He stopped dead in his tracks, a mere foot away from the entrance, as though my words haunted him like a curse. He spun around to my retrieving back as I climbed the stairs to the dorms for I knew, I just knew, that he'd have broken the spell cast on the door by the time I got there.

A/N : next chapter, stuff about what kind of awkward events happened the week before, concerning namely Liz. Please review !

Thanks to :

**Amalynne O'Hara : **hey thanks for reviewing, I'm sorry this took forever, I just wasn't inspired. I hope this chapter turned out ok, lots of love.

**Jess : **sorry I wasn't able to read your story but I'll make a deal with you. You tell me what's wrong with this story and I'll tell you what's wrong with yours, ok ? Hope you're spending a nice vacation !

**Léa Meow of All Time : **well I explained you all the Malfoy-Lily thing where Lily wasn't defending James but Malfoy. Otherwise, yeah I guess description isn't the best way to start a chapter if you look at in on a interest-the-reader level, but hey, wasn't the first chapter. Wait a minute, chapter 6 didn't even start with description hum… Thanks for reviewing anyway babe and for all the great advice, lol…

**Flora : **hey, thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you still like this fiction. Have a nice vacation !


	8. Sceptical Disappearance

Rain inside and out

A/N : hey all, I'm starting a **mailing list **which basically makes it that every time I update a chapter, I email you about it. This is for people who don't have accounts on or don't have me with "author alert" and want to be alerted when I update. If you want to be on the mailing list, please say so in your review.

Chapter 8 : Sceptical Disappearance

All last week Liz had been acting strangely but being bothered by my own troubles rather than hers, I asked no questions. On the concerned Tuesday of October I woke up in the early morning, the sun having not yet rose, the castle not yet alive with the usual clamour of students and portraits awaking from their reveries. Unable to fall back asleep I decided to come down to the common room, making sure I didn't wake anyone up in the process.

The sound of a quill frantically scribbling on a piece of parchment reached my ears as I stepped down the last steps of the staircase. That's when I realized I mustn't have been alone to wake up so early and the scribbling stopped as I set foot in the common room.

" Who's there ? " a harsh voice called. I recognized it instantly as Liz's, her dangerous and threatening yet calm and subtle tone of voice unmistakable among others. She was sitting around the main table by the fireplace, a black feathered quill in one hand, her wand in the other. Her long dark hair ran down her back like a cascade of black silk, her grey eyes shining with the reflection of the fire's dancing flames.

" It's just me, " I responded. " What are you doing so early ? "

" Oh, I'm just… " she stammered, seeming taken aback by my presence. " I'm just writing a letter to my grandma. "

She dropped her wand and raised the letter as if proving she wasn't lying, then turned suddenly uncomfortable and folded the piece of parchment once, twice before pulling it inside her school robes. I knew her as clever and always imagined her to be a good liar, very much unlike the tense girl she portrayed at this very moment. Therefore this conduct didn't resemble her at all and her accumulation of strange behaviours lately only made me more suspicious.

" Better be going back to sleep then, " she said giving me a nervous smile, a smile which betrayed her.

"You can tell me, you know, if anything's wrong, " I assured her as she passed by me, headed towards our dorms. She stopped walking and looked at me for a moment. The same look she had given me before telling me about the night of the Voldemort attack when she was five. She was determining whether she could trust me again.

" I know, " she merely answered. " Everything's fine. " The smile previously playing on her lips was gone, as though it had never been there in the first place. She wasn't cold, or annoyed I had pushed the subject further. She just sounded… remorseful. I knew everything wasn't fine but then again maybe she was trying to convince herself of it as she tried to convince me. I smiled in response, unsure of what to think. I knew she was hiding something, but what ? Did it involve her past ? Did it involve the note Black had sent her ?

A cloud of confusion settled into my mind as the sun made its first emergence into the dawn-tinted sky, its' bright beams of light exiling the moon and stars. Liz not acting like herself definitely wasn't a sign things were going ok, on the contrary, it gave the impression something really bad was about to happen. And that impression didn't stay an impression for long….

_Narrator's POV :_

_" It's probably lying. "_

_" The map never lies ! You know it better than me ! "_

_" She ran off then, so what ? "_

_" She's your cousin for Merlin's sake ! "_

_" And I couldn't care less. She'll show up eventually and I don't want to know where she was, what she was doing, nor what happened. "_

_" What if she needs us ? "_

_An exasperated laugh was heard. _

_" Well that's her problem… "_

The dream pursued in Lily's mind, but when she woke up the next day, she had no reminiscence of it whatsoever.

_Lily's POV :_

On Friday morning, I was sitting down for breakfast under an overcast sky, reminder of the gloomy atmosphere, the harshness of the cold, the dreaded events that occurred outside, in the real world.

The post arrived on time, not a second too soon, not a second late. A hoard of black, brown and white flew in, some carrying packages, others bringing Howlers and at least one was a letter from the Ministry, announcing among grave apologies, the death of a relative lost in the hands of the Dark Lord. Every Saturday it was the same routine, the plea you wouldn't be the one receiving a pale blue envelope distinctively marked with a Ministry emblem.

Ministry owls were easy to recognize, flying above all others, as if conscious of whom they belonged to. They travelled with distinctive elegance, pride gleaming in their eyes, and yet that same spark revealed a certain ignorance. I wondered if they knew what kind of letters they brought…

Dreadful weather and excess of anxiety in the hall should have been enough to start off this day badly. Unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky…

Liz was missing.

And strangely, it had for direct effect a rise of tension at the Gryffindor table where I reluctantly sat across from Roxy's fabulous boyfriend and the rest of the Marauder gang ( a first ). The only sounds were the ones of crunched toast and the loud banging of silverware on plates, material proof of the unusual anger at defeat reigning between Potter and I. Although to me it was thoroughly unclear at the time what exactly it was he had lost in all this, and it would remain this way for quite some time.

In fact I had refused to hear Potter out since what was officially known as " the Malfoy incident " which had the honour of being the latest scandal who's propagation around the school had been no slower than wildfire. As I had expected, Slytherins came up to me with mocking interpretations of the scene.

" Help me, Potter, help ! " they would cry tauntingly with fake terrified looks before running around a corner, laughing hysterically. Every time I took my wand out I'd get a "careful with that, mudblood, you might hex yourself " and there was nothing to stop them. No matter how many detentions I handed out, no matter how many points I took off, there seemed to be no end to the consequences of this past lamentable Saturday evening. In fact, every punishment I gave only increased the infuriating remarks.

Nevertheless, I acted as though they meant nothing for after all, for who listened to Slytherins ? Well on the inside I happened to. I seemed confident at daybreak, somewhat assured that this new day couldn't be as bad as the last, calmed down after a night's rest. Yet every sunset I'd be proven wrong, breaking into silent tears, tears I hid from the rest of the world.

I refused to give the impression I was hurt, that I cared about their recurrent mockeries; it would have only further entertained them.

Moreover I found myself unable to tell my friends about it either. I hadn't even told them about the incident itself, and they seemed to think these words were nothing out of the ordinary, considering I was a muggle born. And since I gave such a strong impression of indifference, they thought I didn't need their support. If they had paid more attention they would have noticed I was lying through my teeth when I said I was fine, they knew me well after all. But I couldn't blame them for being preoccupied by their own troubles and worries rather than my own, which I made no effort to explain in the first place.

Adriane was busy with school work, those Advanced History classes were really getting to her, and her focus was on her two history essays a week, not on friends. Roxy was rarely there either, what with all her Quidditch practice : the first game of the season, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, was in two weeks, and Potter had his players on the pitch every night. Even when she returned soaked from the endlessly pouring rain I avoided her, her relationship with Potter more than ever unaccepted.

The only person I felt I could have maybe trusted was Eliza. But she was always spacing out, never quite with us and this only made me suspicious of her. The fact she was be not present at the breakfast table made it all only worse. She was hiding things, things I could not be trusted with. She seemed gone.

The clanging of silverware hit a maximum as I realized this with incredible frustration and put my glass down so hard it shattered to pieces. Potter's gaze met mine, a gaze which seemed to ask " damn Lily, what is it ? ". His eyes were questioning, yet cold. They were dying to know, yet wishing they had never known anything. He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off.

" Anyone seen Liz ? " I asked the question which had been on my mind all morning, while I muttered a spell to clean up the mess.

" She wasn't in her bed when I got up, " Adriane said.

I sighed. Why did that girl always seem to vanish into thin air ? I turned to look at Black, who hadn't said anything all morning. What a surprising sight it was since he hardly seemed to shut up.

" Don't bother asking me, Evans, I don't know where she is, " he said airily.

I could feel Potter's eyes on me as I rolled my own, as I pushed my chair back, as I headed out the Great Hall mumbling something along the lines of " I'm going to find her "… I never did.

In truth she found me. She showed up at lunch time, having missed all the morning's classes with apathy and simply asked if she could borrow my notes to catch up the lessons she'd been absent for.

" Oh I was just in the hospital wing, " she replied when asked about her whereabouts, the cheery tone of voice she used not going unnoticed.

" Why, what happened ? " I inquired.

" Well, aren't you curious ? " she laughed, stifling a yawn. She saw the confused look in my eye and was reminded of the last time we had this sort of conversation : in the early morning just two days ago. She turned serious again :

" I woke up early, came down to have breakfast, missed a step and sprained my ankle. I just went to see Ms Pompfrey so she could get it fixed and it took all morning for the potion to take effect. That's all, I assure you. "

She smiled once more, which turned out to be contagious. I laughed, just plain relieved nothing had happened to her, that she hadn't gotten into trouble, and most of all that really, not everything was turning out wrong this week. And suddenly, even after two straight hours of Transfiguration, I felt… revived.

Until I went to Potions, a class we spent with the Ravenclaws. Adriane and I were brewing a Strengthening Draught, meant to give sudden force to anyone who happens to drink it. I was shredding tea tree leaves while Adriane went to fetch dragon blood when I overheard the conversation taking place behind me.

" What do you mean, he can't play ? " a boy with short brown hair and askew glasses exclaimed.

" Keep your voice down ! " his friend whispered tightly. " Jason's had a nasty fight with that Hufflepuff again, broken nose you should have seen it ! "

" Are you kidding me ? All this because of a broken nose ? "

" Listen, he was in the hospital wing all morning anyway, and even if he could manage to play Quidditch, he'd have trouble getting out of Pringle's claws, he's got detention everyday for a month ! "

" WHAT ? " the boy yelled so loudly, Professor McKay, a cranky short tempered woman on the edge of retirement, finally took notice of their group and their discussions which didn't have anything to do with the Strengthening Draughts whatsoever.

She told them off for a good five minutes, which got the entire class laughing, everyone except for me that is. Hell, I was not paying the slightest bit of attention. All I could think about was this Jason. I knew I had met him somewhere, but couldn't remember his face exactly. Surely he knew if… wait, why was I doubting ? I mean, why would Liz lie to me ? And strangely I found a whole lot of reasons : she hadn't exactly acted normally since the beginning of the week, she'd been distant for sure, then again her parents have just died maybe it involves them and she doesn't terribly want to discuss it… Maybe she just didn't trust me, which seemed convincing enough. But… no, it didn't make sense because she had trusted me before.

Then again, why was _I_ not trusting _her_ ? If she just couldn't tell me things, why didn't I accept it ? It wasn't really my business was it ? But what if she ended up doing something bad, that she couldn't go back on, something she did because she had no one to confide into, because she felt I wasn't there for her ?

These questions kept racing through my mind on an endless circular track, ending only with a definite answer. And finally, there was no other way for it, I found myself heading towards the hospital wing fainting a headache in order to find this guy as soon as classes were over.

The hospital wing was empty when I arrived. I must have missed him, but my entrance having made quite some noise, Ms Pompfrey's footsteps came unequivocally and I couldn't just run off.

" Hello dear, " she greeted me merrily. " What's the matter ? "

" Oh um… nothing at all. I was just wondering whether Kathryn had been here this morning. "

" Why of course ! She had a badly sprained ankle, I took all morning to get it fixed ! " she replied.

Her reply took me aback. For some reason I had expected her to give me a puzzling look along with the proclamation of a long and emphatic "no".

" Are you sure you're alright, dear ? You look a bit pale, " she turned from cheerfulness to worry and instantly brought her hand to my forehead.

" No, I'm fine, just fine. " I said quickly as I backed away. " Thanks for the information, I'll just be going now. "

I left the hospital wing somewhat amazed and definitely more carefree. Liz hadn't lied. This was turning out much better than I expected.

When I crept into bed later that evening, much later than anyone else in my dorm, sleep just didn't come. It was only after turning countless times trying to get some rest that I realized my mind was much too puzzled to willingly let itself be affected by unconsciousness. I opened the curtains to my bed and just sat there for a minute, wondering why I stayed awake when I felt so exhausted.

I hadn't gotten over Potter, and every attempt I had taken at ignoring him only made me more ignorant myself; disregarding his confusion enlarged the depth of my own. People tend to grow distant of others when they get in a relationship. My constant rejection of Potter's relationship with Roxy only increased the distance between my best friend and me, which was really not what I needed under these circumstances. I had turned to Liz, who past her inborn mystery and secrets, turned out to be truthful, when I had suspected her of lying. All these thoughts seemed to clog my way to sleep on this night of mid-October, so I finally let my feet guide me across the room, where I dropped by the windowsill.

The sky was tainted a bluish-black colour, a serene ocean of seemingly everlasting beauty as though black rose petals had been spread out all across the sky. Speckles of light shone through the darkness, allowing this night a sense of liberty and unfathomable purity. A mysterious, full moon bestowed light of such radiant splendour that no sun could have matched it. It gleamed with mischief, dim enough to hide strangers, yet bright enough to light their way. The window quietly opened by my instinctive hands welcomed a soothing wind inside the room.

This fresh breeze outlined a series of waves through my ginger hair, as the world seemed to hold its breath, unconditionally still, silence having long claimed the night.

And the only thing to perturb this harmony, the one sound to defy the silence's possession of night was a rustling a leaves far below. Somewhere upon the grounds, someone was out during the long hours of darkness.

My eyes landed near the lake, where it seemed, a large black creature had come across an ashen animal, a deer maybe, its white fur in contrast with the shadows. Their forms were blurred and indistinct, but even from the top of the Gryffindor Tower, it appeared these creatures had a common understanding while they walked side by side under the moonlight. Then suddenly, the white deer stopped in its tracks. It looked around, as if suspecting someone's presence. His lustrous deep brown eyes gazed into the night, taking in all the beauty in the world, and as he looked up, I could have sworn he looked straight at me…

A/N : You know what to do.

Thanks to :

**Amalynne O'Hara : **yeah they all are pretty sad, hun ? well I'm sorry to say it's not gonna get any better. Well it might, but just for a little while, then everything comes crashing down again. Thanks for reviewing !

**Gwen :** Roxy being bitchy ? I guess, but let's put it this way, they're desperate. James certainly is, and Roxy is tired of leaving Lily in her denial.

**Flora : **James not in love with Lily ? Well of course he's not, he said so himself. Why would he love the girl after all ? I mean, she's only gorgeous, feisty, caring and smart as hell ? Why would he love her ? lol, just kidding.

**A : ** I'm just in need of inspiration and motivation to update, lol. I'm not asking for the moon, am I ? Thanks for reviewing !

**The Big Dance : **hey, sorry you don't get to see how the "I hate you" part affected James in this chapter. Next chapter though… thanks for reviewing !


	9. Origins and Aftermath

Rain inside and out

A/N : Grab a cookie and a cup of mocha, and enjoy…

Chapter 9 : Origins and aftermath

I watched her from afar, completely disinterested by Trelawney's soporific rambling on premonitory visions. Truth be told, I never cared much for Divination.

North Tower looked neither like a tower, nor a classroom for that matter. It resembled more an attic long forgotten and only made inhabitable after several years of desertion. The wooden floor creaked with every step and the low ceiling only made you feel more at home : who doesn't love being confined ? The fumes emerging from the countless amount of incense sticks seemed to have but one purpose : test you on your capability of staying awake during this oh-so-much anticipated class that was, the art of Divination.

The curtains were drawn, disallowing sunlight to ever let its' warm streaks come through, as nature would have had it. The armchairs were dusty, the floor crawling with occasional spiders while the air seemed to hold some drowsy intoxicating scent, although whether my smell or my sight was failing me I couldn't tell. Did this intoxication come from the heavily perfumed hazy room, or from her mesmerizing beauty, every one of her features enhanced by the dim light simply because… she_ was_ the lacking light.

She was sitting at one of the tables closest to Trelawney, and if she heard the Professor fine, she just didn't seem to understand – or even want to understand – a word of her speech. She looked distant, staring into emptiness, as if nothing could have brought her out of her reverie. The dark circles under her eyes revealed her exhaustion and I couldn't help but blame myself.

I had always wanted to think I wanted nothing but her happiness, her own peace of mind. But arrogantly enough, I believed she'd be truly happy when we'd be together : I would be the one to make her infinitely happy. Oh, how _ironic_. All this time I had always put my interests before hers, no matter how many excuses I thought up in my head. When really, all that could make her happy was… for me to leave her be.

Lily Evans was sick of me, and Merlin knows I was sick of her.

Sick of the way she constantly brought me down, of the superior disdainful attitude she adopted when acknowledging my existence. That's why it had all come out a week ago and we hadn't talked since. I hated this girl for everything she had put me through for the past two years. She obviously saw what she wanted to see in me and nothing else. And she knew that to a certain extent, I was _right_ for Merlin's sake.

_I've wasted enough time on you as it is. I'm way over you. _

Still, _how _could these words have possibly escaped me ? I lost control and all the pain I'd undergone, everything I hated about her came out, to make her hate me even more. An entire brawl, subsisting by her stubbornness and my idiocy, our hate, our incomprehension.

Call it a prediction, instinct or even fate, but no matter how violently we fought, the feeling that it wouldn't always be this way persisted in convincing me it would turn out fine. She was a bitch sometimes, but damn was she brilliant when she was one. It all came back down to how perfect she was in her imperfections, no matter how badly she hurt me. This time was different though and I went to Roxy after our argument, demanding we stopped our plan that was bound to disaster. That was the direction it was taking. But she insisted we pursue our efforts and assured that Lily, in time, would come.

" You're strong James, " she had said unknowingly.

" Strong ? I'm the weakest, Roxy. I've lied, I've… I don't deserve her, maybe she was right all along. I'm just an idiot -"

" Listen to me, " she said in the dead of the night, as if the world stopping to spin wouldn't have more importance than this, " She's not indifferent to you and this _had_ to happen one day or another. Now give her time, persist in making her believe you don't care about her and you _will_ win her heart. "

I yearned to be deaf, to give it all up and not worry about another thing in my life. I wanted to apologize but every attempt we had had at getting along with each other had failed. And honestly, she had been just as immature as me. Theses feelings of hope and determination I had claimed mine for the past two years were seeping out of my mind, to welcome confusion and uncertainty. However Roxanne Strider was convincing enough. We'd stick with the plan.

Still I longed for the days when Lily wasn't on my mind, when all I had to think about was the next prank I could pull on the Slytherins, the next Quidditch game or the next girl to date. She just made everything so much more complicated. She changed it all.

I doubt my story can be compared to any other. No, I didn't fall for Miss Evans the first time I laid my eyes on her, nor did I like her straight away. It wasn't love at first sight, and it certainly wasn't a typical perfect fairy tale either. Love's too complicated for either of them.

I barely noticed her at all for my first four years at Hogwarts. And if I did, it was to observe how her hand seemed to be constantly in the air during classes. If asked about her, I'd have told you she was nothing more than a bookworm who spent the majority of her time in the library, and did not know the meaning of the word _fun_. Oh yes, she was pretty, even when she was twelve. But that was nothing compared to what she grew up to be. Back then, she was nothing special to my eyes, just another Gryffindor whose world revolved around pleasing teachers with higher grades than is theoretically possible, and keeping the reputation of the good girl among the student body. She was the kind of person I avoided : too studious, too ordinary but most of all, too much like what everyone expected her to be.

Until third year, I can't say girls were part of my daily life in the first place. Honestly, I loved spending my time planning pranks with my friends and exploring the castle. Upon the discovery of Remus' lycanthropy which he managed to hide from us for a grand trimester, the rest of us decided to become Animagi in order to help him with his painful transformations. This gave us a common ambition and tightened the bond the four of us shared. This _secret_ of sorts isolated us from the other students from the start and by sixth year, we had mastered our animal forms so that we could transform at will.

I'll never be more grateful of my family heritage than the day my father passed his Invisibility Cloak onto me. We would have never gone as far as we did without it.

Sirius, Peter, Remus and I, widely known as the Marauders since first year, always came up with the most tangled plans on how to lighten up the castle.

Sirius, our infinite source of imagination, conceived most of our ideas, thinking up the wildest things which we managed to materialize thanks to Remus' undeniable skill to think up the precise spells that would make our plans come to life.

Peter on his part, was a master of time and place. He could determine what difficulties we'd most likely come across : when would be the best time to set off the prank considering the movement of the staircases, the approximate number of students on each floor at different times and which teachers would be there to send us off to detention first. Except for entertainment in the Great Hall, we tried avoiding being anywhere near Dumbledore whenever a prank was pulled. We had too much respect and admiration for him to voluntarily exasperate him in public. McGonagall on the other hand, was one of our favorites. I was irreproachable when it came to Transfiguration and loved to see the look her face when she had to give her best student more detentions than she could count.

As grand member of the Marauders, I was to ripen our ideas from abstract to concrete form by performing all enchantments, spells, charms or hexes wherever they needed to be cast.

Needless to say, we spent innumerable hours scrutinizing all the prank books we could get our hands on, from the old classics to the recently written. Having grown up in a dark-magic-oriented family, Sirius was a great help when it concerned dark spells and how they could be used against us.

Although we tended to prank various students from every house, the Slytherins remained our main target, since most of them freely supported the attacks of Voldemort in the wizarding world. What we wanted, aside from our personal entertainment of course, was to allow the other students to forget what was going on outside, even for a minute, so they could get a good laugh and just… forget. All of us had grown up to Voldemort's uprising and, young as we may have been, we knew how to distinguish right from wrong. To say the least, the Slytherins were not on the right track.

We never did it to cause severe bodily harm, although we sometimes did prank students who didn't deserve it. In any case it was easier to think all Slytherins were bad, even though it wasn't something you could generalize, but we liked showing off, no matter how arrogant it made us seem. Students loved us for what we did, for our mischief, our insouciance of school rules which we broke with defiance without thinking about it twice.

We were only fourteen… but we were that good.

Of course, planning pranks and breaking all school records with our weekly detentions turned out to be insufficient, and ultimately unsatisfactory. We weren't fully exploiting our overflowing potential and simply wanted more. So at the start of fourth year, we decided to really take advantage of all this precious knowledge on the art of rule breaking.

We started inventing. Starting from scratch we stole from McKay's personal supply of potion ingredients, broke into the Restricted section of the library and used multiple charms to create various devices. Using the simplest muggle objects like pencils or wooden bowls to transfigure them into the desired final object was the safest route. Using complex items only increased the risks of having our home-made spells backfire and while the danger of exploring unknown territory was thrilling, getting expelled was certainly not the worst that could happen when messing around with magic. We weren't gods, and we knew it.

We realized by our constant exploring of the castle and its grounds that we not only wanted to pierce Hogwarts' many mysteries, we wanted all our findings on paper so students after us wouldn't be left clueless as to all those secret passageways once we had graduated. We wanted to leave our mark.

We eventually came up with the Marauder's map, which was by far our greatest invention. It took all of our knowledge of the castle grounds, advanced transfiguration and charms and a grand total of eight months to get it together.

My Marauder life was one thing, Quidditch was another. I joined the Gryffindor team in my second year, but it'd always been a passion since I was old enough to ride a broom. Flying always gave me the most incredible sensations. It was a way to clear my mind or to compete against others, making sure my talent didn't go unnoticed. The danger of it really, was enthralling. Being named captain in fifth year only gave me more responsibilities along with popularity.

Therefore I didn't take notice of the feisty redhead with wondrous emerald eyes until my fifth year,_ our_ fifth year. I'd been out with plenty of girls by that time, never really caring for any of them, unknowing of what love could possibly feel like. Not that it mattered. Our unspoken mission with Sirius was to date as many girls as possible, because with our Quidditch skills, splendid reputation and good looks, we could get any girl we wanted. I guess that's where Remus differed from us two. That's where his maturity and our idiocy shone through. But it also portrayed our undeniable charm : we played with girls but they didn't love us any less.

I'll always remember with a slightly sour taste in my mouth the first time I asked Lily Evans out. After all, she had changed from first year. Physically anyway, I wasn't exactly interested in what girls had on the inside. She had grown to have a couple admirers on her heels and I sure wasn't about to let them get to her before I did.

I had put on my best seductive grin that day, as I pleasantly asked her if she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me.

She scoffed, " No. " The revulsion in her voice made my mind go blank.

" Come again ? "

" I said no, Potter, I'm not interested. "

I stood there, my grin fading and mouth slightly open in shock, not entirely understanding what was happening. Was I being… rejected ?

" What - " I stuttered. " What kind of an answer is _that _? "

She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly before leaving me stranded on the spot.

Since that day I've been determined to make her fall for me. She would not get away with refusing to go out with me, hell no. So I did what any arrogant-overly-confident guy would do : I showed off, thinking it had to make me look good and therefore she'd have to decide she liked me one day or another. When she didn't I started bugging her personally : surely she'd give in just because she was tired of me following her around.

It didn't work. In fact she hated me even more. I betrayed myself by acting superior. Obsessed with the idea of pleasing her, I lost myself in the game of being someone I wasn't.

In sixth year Remus persuaded me to give up. Who cares if I don't get Lily Evans ? She's nothing special anyway. So I tried. The unexpected thing was that… I couldn't do it. I could stop talking to her and not think about her just as easily as I could live without breathing.

That's when I started seeing her under a new light. I was paying attention to what she said, what she did, what she was interested in. And it turned out I didn't want to go out with her because she had refused me, but because, as crazy as it seemed, I had fallen for her. Now it was never supposed to happen that way. She was supposed to fall for me, not the other way around.

But in the end, it was something I couldn't fight off. She was not only strikingly good-looking, she was beautiful on the inside, and I wanted to discover that beauty. She had that fire burning in her, but every time I got too close, I got burned. She had that spark that made me want to spend every minute of the day with her. She was smart and caring but used her intelligence and cares to hex me. She had grown up and did what she wanted, like a caged dove broken free. It was that exact freedom I desperately wanted to possess. She hadn't given in to me because she was fierce and incredibly obstinate, which was no more a bad than a good thing.

I was determined to make her fall for me for the mere reason that I couldn't get her out of my head. Every time she was threatened I wanted to protect her and be there for her so she would know… just how much I cared.

Problem was, she couldn't stand the sight of me. Ever since day one she had this fixed image of me that could not evolve under any circumstances. Therefore we got into the worst arguments which often ended up with her storming off cursing me at the top of her lungs. I had my flaws, but by never acknowledging anything but, she made it impossible for us to keep a one minute conversation going.

Every one of her refusals was another blade cutting through my heart. I reproached her with never giving us a chance, while she claimed I never did anything to deserve one. And thus it went on, month after month, every plan I could come up with to get her to like me failing to demolish the high unyielding walls she had built around herself.

Which got me questioning one of the strangest things to have occurred to me : how could I possibly have fallen for someone with whom I practically never got along ?

The answer wasn't that farfetched. Someone once said there was a very thin line between hate and love.

That person wasn't wrong.

o-o-o-o

Yet another breakfast at the same table in the same Great Hall. I kept poking at my food, watching the swirls I made distractedly in my porridge. And strangely I noticed that no matter how I spun that spoon, some things, like circles, truly never end and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Then I felt grateful everything in the world wasn't like swirls in porridge.

I wasn't hungry. I was simply at loss as to what to think. I could take this confrontation with Potter as a fight among others. After all we fought a lot, we always disagreed. Well that was last year, and the year before... Now it's all changed.

It was so much more than a fight among others, why deny it ? I remember his face contorted with anger, his eyes shining bright from the mere will to spit anything he could at my face. He just didn't understand… and yet he understood better than anyone else. He couldn't see my need to prove myself, yet he was the first to see through it. I guess it was time to realize that no matter the topic of conversation, both of us would always find a way to support the opposite of each other's point of view. And Potter, as unwilling as I was to acknowledge it, wasn't all wrong. I _was_ stubborn and I _was_… no worse than him really !

In a way I was simply disgusted. How could he presume he knew everything about me ? But how could I presume he knew less than he did ? Why was I so open to him anyway ? He was cold and sharp in the way he spoke, brutal truths and shocking lies taking form from the tip of his tongue to reach my deaf ears. He was done with me. It's what I'd always wanted, right ? He'd be leaving me alone, and maybe I wouldn't feel so miserable. I just didn't know how much more I could take.

In class I mostly sat next to Adriane or Liz. Roxy and I would occasionally end up together late at night in the common room, where we'd finish an essay or a chart, sometimes making small talk by the fire's dancing flames. I needed her and she needed me, but being together like this was enough for now, considering my rejection of recent events and her incomprehension of my reactions that I made no effort to justify.

I used to enjoy breakfast. Back in the days when I didn't lack so much sleep. When things were normal and not constantly changing. When the _Daily Prophet_ didn't have headlines such as " **17 dead at Rosendale Lake attack ".**

Like today. A tawny owl dropped the paper on my lap and flew out the Great Hall with a horde of black and brown feathers. Gasps escaped every table ( except the Slytherin's ) and a short Ravenclaw third year girl stood up, the paper slipping from her thin fingers as she looked down on it with unexpected disbelief, her eyes glistering with unshed tears.

_Several hooded figures, otherwise known as Death Eaters, apparated on the camping site of Rosendale Lake in Yorkshire around midnight last night, attacking the local inhabitants and setting tents and cabins on fire. Employees of the Ministry of Magic working in the Sports department, Sarah and Henry Hales both aged 38, died bravely during the battle and they shall be dearly missed. But luckily, they were the only wizards out of the seventeen people killed._

_" The unfortunate success of this attack, " Chief Auror Julian McNair announced, " was essentially based on the element of surprise detained by the enemy. " _

_Minister of Magic Nigellus Blake arrived on the scene this morning after last night's events, declaring the people responsible for this "unforgivable act of violence" would be severely punished when caught. John Henrick, healer at St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, is said to have been seen hooded in the darker surrounding streets after the attack by someone who wished to remain anonymous. He is currently under arrest as the investigation continues. _

Just as the Ravenclaw girl ran out, Liz came into the Great Hall. She saw the girl hurry past her and sensed the sudden unease that had claimed the atmosphere of the room. She launched herself on the first newspaper she could get her hands on. She just knew, strangely looking as if she had always known…

Her eyes widened as she read the headline. She read the article quickly, hands shaking and color draining from her face. Finally she pounded her fist on the table and threw the newspaper back at whomever she had taken it from before storming out of the Great Hall.

I followed her out.

" Liz ! " I called as I pulled the front doors open a moment after they'd closed raucously shut. Her stride was much faster than usual and if she had heard me, she splendidly ignored me. She fell beside a tree trunk by the shore of the lake, her face flushed and eyes alight with fury.

I sat down beside her. Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have never come. But there I was, and there was no going back inside without her.

" It's unfair, " she said after moments of silence. " It's… it shouldn't be accepted the way it is. As thought it were normal, a _daily routine_. "

" I know, Liz, " I said, edging closer to her.

She looked straight ahead towards the lake, fog a thin layer above the surface of the water and a high wall hiding the grounds from view on the opposite shore.

" I could have helped them, these poor people. I could have done something. They weren't even armed for Merlin's sake ! They were muggles and that was their sole bloody reason for dying ! "

" It's not your fault, Liz. You couldn't have prevented it, " I said.

" But - "

She didn't finish that sentence.

" What ? "

" I hate standing there while people are dying is all. " She threw a nearby stone into the water. Ripple after ripple spread out in ever-growing circles from where it had fallen, until they reached the shore, disappearing as though having never existed.

" But why this article, Liz ? " I urged.

Still she didn't look my way. I could tell her anger was rising.

" It's... it's a constant reminder of – but I guess it's my own fault for not accepting it by now, right ? " She gave a cold ironic laugh before her face turned serious again. " I've just had enough of these attacks and standing there powerless while everything happens under my nose. I want to _kill_ those fucking Death Eaters sometimes. They don't deserve to live, they don't even deserve a Dementor's kiss ! I mean, how low do you _sink _when you decide to join the dark side ? How can you _live _with yourself after having tortured a five year old whose mother is watching you do it ? " she said viciously before throwing her head back as her eyes slipped closed. " I can't take it, I just can't take it. "

" And asking so many questions won't benefit you, " she added when I said nothing.

" I'm just trying to understand ! " I said perplex.

" If you knew… Merlin, if you knew. The world's an ugly and dangerous place. I don't want to be responsible for whatever danger you might have to face because of me. "

" Ignorance is _far_ more dangerous than understanding ! "

" You have to trust me, Lily, " Liz said in a low, almost desperate voice. " You can't enter my world. You can't- _play_ my game. Because you won't get out. You have to trust me. "

" I need to know, " I said.

Liz slowly shook her head at my obstinacy : " Why do you want to know everything ? Can't you see I'm doing this for you, _for you_. "

" Well, I'm tired of having everyone wanting to protect me. It's like I've gone back to being a child and I can't do anything on my own. No one allows me the freedom I deserve ! And has it ever crossed your mind that maybe I'm worried about you ? "

She smiled then, a tired smile that seemed not to have escaped her lips for too long.

I sighed : " You're so secretive, Liz. "

" I know. "

" It scares me. "

" I know that, too. "

What more could I have possibly done ? Looking back at it, remorse makes me pull my hair out and scream : " So much, you idiot ! _Anything_, in fact, to prevent –"

But no one could have known. No one except maybe Eliza Claythorne herself.

As October eagerly awaited its transformation into November but hadn't quite achieved it yet, the days turned colder, which got one student sick and thus half the school contaminated. After a week of throbbing headaches, partly due to the cold, otherwise due to my friends' inflexible attempts at getting me to the hospital wing, I eventually _did_ get to the hospital wing.

" Now I'm warning you, Mr. Lessing, " Ms Pompfrey's stern voice was heard from inside the ward as I was about to turn the doorknob. " one more broken nose and I'll be personally complaining about you to the headmaster. "

Then it hit me. Lessing. _Jason_ Lessing, the Ravenclaw Prefect ! I stepped back just in time as the wooden doors flew open and the fifth year came out, mumbling a thanks and a goodbye as he left. I called him back.

" Hey Lily, how have you been ? " he asked good naturally, his brown curls falling into his eyes.

" Oh just fine. I wanted to ask you… you were in the hospital wing last Friday morning, right ? "

" Yeah, I um… got my nose broken again, " he explained with a grin.

" Were you alone ? "

" What do you mean ? " he gave me a confused look.

" Were there other students in the Hospital Wing at all ? " I pressed.

He considered the idea for a moment, then said, " No, none at all. I stayed there all morning and I didn't see anyone. "

I thanked him and stepped inside the Hospital Wing, submerged by a new feeling of disappointment. Liz, secretive ? What an understatement.

Thanks to :

**Jess : **well here it is, hehe ! Thanks for reviewing !

**Not so sour Lemons : **you asked why Roxy and James are still going out if he's given up on Lily. See chapter 8 was a step back in time. In chronological order, first there was the Malfoy incident where James comes into Malfoy and Lily's duel ( chapter 6 ) then there was the week following that where Lily has her suspicions about Liz ( chapter 8 ) and then at the end of that week, there's Lily and James' fight ( chapter 7 ). Hope that makes sense, lol. I hope this chapter has given you an answer anyway. In brief, James hasn't given up on Lily it was a lie to pursue his plan with Roxy. Thanks for reviewing !

**Amalynne O'Hara : **I love your reviews, they just make me smile. Liz _is_ acting really weird and she's not going to stop, lol. I realize that it's taken me almost three months to update this chapter, eeek. I'm going to go through an editing phase during the summer and hopefully I'll be writing chapters 10-12 as to update once a month. Thanks for reviewing, ma chérie ! ;)

**Fairy-GYAKUTENNO-MEGAMI : **what would be the point of this story if Lily were just to open her eyes as you say ? But don't worry, she will eventually ;) Thanks for reviewing !


	10. Falling from too high

Rain inside and out

A/N: I wrote half of this a year ago, and the other half this summer on a terrace in the beautiful yet barely inhabited mountains over Perpignan, in the south of France, where I had strictly nothing else to do than write. I loved it.

Chapter 10 : Falling from too high

Realization that I had once more been lied to was easier to accept than I would have thought. Maybe it was the influence of the events occurring in the wizarding world, where no one could trust his neighbor for fear of befriending the wrong people. Betrayal had become common, deaths a daily routine, war omniscient. Maybe it was the consequence of this feeling of drift from all things that comprised my social life. This seventh year was hell by the workload we were assigned, staying up until two o'clock to finish a damn essay, only to get up at seven the following morning. I found that night patrols three times a week didn't encourage decent amounts of sleep either. I felt this war was closing down on me as I began to block out others. Liz I was reluctant to trust, Roxy I could no longer understand, and Adriane… She was there, yet absent at the same time. She didn't want to take part in my conflict with Roxy, which was normal, but her neutrality became disturbing. I felt she was more of an intermediate person than a close friend. It seemed out of place to speak my mind with her now, because she had turned into the one in the middle that neither Roxy nor I were supposed to influence. No matter if it had nothing to do with our friend's relationship with Potter, there were obstacles to confiding myself with Adriane that hadn't existed before. This inability to rely on my friends both brought me to sink a little lower and motivate me to stay on the surface. The worse the situation was, the more adamant I was to fix it.

Maybe it was time I listened to Liz after all. I should stop getting involved in things that did, in fact, not concern me. I had learned not to underestimate the power of her magic and altering Ms. Pomfrey's memory mustn't have been that challenging for a witch like Liz. She had certainly lied about her whereabouts in mid October, yet as much as I was worried about her and her disturbing secrecy, there was nothing relative to the truth that she would tell me no matter how fiercely I urged her for it. I'd do her and myself a favor, I wouldn't ask questions. I'd let it slide since there was no point in confronting her, really.

My mind was elsewhere in any case. I hadn't talked to Potter for… had it already been three weeks ? This came as a surprise. Since our last encounter I felt as if I had lost something. I thought of what it'd be like if we never spoke again. Would I miss it ? I sat up straight on my bed.

No, don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't _miss_ how we argued and how irresponsible he was. I wouldn't miss his infuriating arrogance and his ineffectively seductive smiles, nor how he shouted so vehemently at me and how I so strongly shouted back. It'd almost have been funny if I ever missed how he looked so deeply into my face, or how his eyes sometimes bore into mine. I surely wouldn't miss his fake and facetious gallantry, or his jokes in class or his laughter.

Indeed, I wouldn't give a damn if he were to never to speak to me again. Could it really be that simple? If it were, then…why did I feel uneasy at the thought of him disappearing from my life?

So what if there was something between me and the reflection-inducing boy that was James Potter? If it had taken a shape it would have one of electricity, formless and unseen, only felt. Something passed through us, like a bold of lightning.

I then realized that part of the reason why I had constantly argued with Potter in the past was because it was stress relieving. We had that current passing through us, a feeling I only had when we were yelling enraged at each other and I always left feeling enlivened and less tense. When it involved only us and revolved around hopeless arguments, that is… As inexplicable as it was, we had this fire about us, this fiery chemistry that had become part of everyday life to me.

I sat there, pondering… could that fire be burning out?

Shaking the thought off, I descended the staircase to the bustling common room. Emmeline Vance and Dorcas Meadows were placing bets with Dedalus Diggle on who would win the Quidditch game the next day, while second and third years played Exploding Snap in a corner. A couple of students were studying under the exasperated faces of their peers who wouldn't spent their Friday evening reading a book, thank you very much. Those same careless students would end up working late Sunday night though, after a well-spent afternoon in Hogsmeade, the first to have been organized this year. A group of fourth years were loudly arguing broomsticks and whichever one flew best. My eyes skimmed the room for a familiar face, noticing that the Marauders were nowhere to be found. I stopped searching when I saw someone looking at me. A boy whom I recognized as Stephen Fletcher, a sixth year, was smiling at me from behind his thick brown hair and silver-framed glasses. I blushed and scurried out the common room.

On the morning of the first Quidditch game, Roxy wouldn't eat a thing. She got up at six thirty, an all time record for her and just sat by the edge of the window until eight, looking out at the Quidditch pitch and the sun lazily rising in a nearly cloudless sky. I, for one, was too tired to tell her to get back to sleep.

" Roxy you have to eat something, anything, " Adriane said to her during breakfast. She had never been this stressed out before a match. It was starting to worry me. Her dark circles showed she hadn't slept much last night either.

" Not hungry, " she grumbled childishly. To say that this same girl ate twice as much as me on normal days was laughable. Laughable, but true.

" Roxy, as your Quidditch captain, I order you to eat some toast. This is the first game of the season sure, but it's Slytherin we're talking about ! We're gonna send them into next century, brighten up ! " Potter said encouragingly, and for once, I wasn't completely ungrateful of his presence.

" All right, this is just bloody Slytherin, " she replied, trying to convince herself more than anybody else. By the time she left the Great Hall with the rest of the team, she had eaten two strips of bacon and half an egg. Talk about a healthy breakfast.

I smiled. A Quidditch game was exactly what I needed to take my mind off things. It was the excitement that overtook you as players soared through the air, scored outstanding goals while Bludgers chased them wildly across the pitch. It was the erupting cheers and groans of the crowd, the incredible suspense as the Snitch was spotted and the Seekers flew after it faster than you could register what was happening. I always awaited these events at Hogwarts in eager anticipation, for the whole action of the game literally took my breath away. I always wanted to fly but shyness and self-consciousness kept me from trying out every year, as did the price of brooms stop me from buying one in the first place.

I climbed the stairs up the stadium with Adriane and Liz, while Remus and Black followed from behind. Long breakfasts on Quidditch mornings usually lead to having a hard time finding decent seats, therefore we had to settle for seats up front, near a giggly group of Gryffindor third years while the two guys took seats a bit further up.

" Have you seen James lately ? " one of the girls in front of us squealed.

Adriane snickered loudly, which made me smile. Thank Merlin Frank started the commentary for the match, for I don't think I could have lived through it without a couple of spells coincidentally flying in the direction of the thirteen-year-olds.

" Witches and Wizards, welcome to the first Quidditch match of the season opposing two very good teams who are bound to make this game very exciting : Gryffindor… " cheering was heard from the Gryffindor stands, " and Slytherin, " Frank added rather… less enthusiastically. A loud round of applause was heard nonetheless from the Slytherin stands.

" Here comes out the Gryffindor team lead by captain James Potter, " Frank informed as the team made its way onto the field. A loud " ooooh " was instantly heard from in front of me followed by another round of giggling.

Meanwhile, Frank finished presenting in a rather bored voice the Slytherin team with its Keeper, Ben Vallington. Madam Hooch, serving as referee for the game, blew the whistle and the fourteen players rose up into the air. Frank's voice boomed into the air :

" And they're off ! Slytherin chaser Hoover in possession, passes to Grumsfield, who ducks from a Bludger send by Jones. He's making his way towards the goal posts... but no, he's stopped by Potter who brilliantly passes the Quaffle to Chaser Roxanne Strider - look at her fly ! She zooms ahead, ducking from a Slytherin chaser on the way and passes back to Potter who's in perfection position to… he scores ! " Cheering and applause accompanied the goal as Gryffindor now led 10-0.

" And Slytherin is back in possession as Joe Cane passes the Quaffle to Grumsfield, who drops it - what a shame - "

" LONGBOTTOM ! " McGonagall barked.

" Sorry professor - Quaffle taken by Gryffindor Chaser Stadick who dives under Hoover and - ouch ! Bludger hit her right arm but Potter catches the dropped Quaffle and speeds forward, closely followed by Cane - Potter passes to Stadick - back to Strider, come on Roxy - she shoots - Vallington dives for it, misses - Gryffindor scores again ! " Roars of applause erupted from the stadium, as moans escaped the Slytherin stands. I clapped harder than anyone else, shouting " Go Roxy ! " along with Adriane, which got us stares from a couple people whom we completely ignored.

" And Slytherin is back in possession with Robert Cane and Benjamin Grumsfield attacking from both sides of the field ! Cane dives, Grumsfield goes for the goal posts, he's - no, he passes to Hoover who's just behind him ! Hoover shoots ! And… Slytherin scores ! " The Slytherin stands exploded as scarves of green and white were waved around.

" And it's back to Grumsfield, who's coming on from the left side, flying high - he passes to Cane who's right ahead of him, the Quaffle goes to Hoover - back to Grumsfield… Bludgers are flying everywhere, one nearly hitting the Gryffindor Seeker but Marks sends it back towards the other team… Wait now… Grumsfield passes to Cane who's way below, he makes his way back up - passes to Hoover - no the pass is intercepted by Strider ! Strider who's now flying wildly across the pitch, there's no one defending ! She passes to Potter, Potter with the Quaffle ! " Frank shouted the news with such thrill that the whole stadium held its' breath. Just then, a huge mass came from out of nowhere and smashed into Potter, sending him flying completely off course and causing him to drop the Quaffle.

" Foul ! " the three-quarters of the stadium shouted as one voice. I looked at Potter, who looked positively furious. He had a hand on his right shoulder and a facial expression indicating he was injured. Hooch, who was too busy shouting fiercely at the violent Slytherin Chaser, failed to notice and blew her whistle insinuating a penalty for Gryffindor. Stadick took it and scored without difficulty. I saw Roxy flying over to Potter, making sure he was all right, which seemed to be the case although I wasn't so sure. He should have gone to Hooch if he was hurt. Then again, he'd never lose that showoff attitude. He probably thought it was cool not to say anything, what an idiot. But what did you want, it was Potter after all.

The game continued for another half-hour, Slytherin scoring twice, which brought the score to a tie. After Grumsfield had scored once more, to the Slytherin's most ecstatic delight, Roxy motioned to Potter to call for a time out. Moments later he did, and the Gryffindor team flew to the ground to meet. I saw Roxy shouting at Potter, although I couldn't tell what she was saying. She was gesturing to his arm while he seemed to argue that it was perfectly fine. The other members of the team didn't appear to want to take sides : they knew all too well their captain's temper and didn't feel like getting on the wrong side of an aggravated Roxy at the moment. After two minutes or so, Roxy, although frustrated, gave up and the seven players soared into the air. The game carried on and it looked as though the Gryffindors were playing worse and worse. Well, Potter was. He dropped the Quaffle three times and missed twice while shooting at the goal posts. It wasn't until the Slytherins lead 60-30 twenty minutes later that Roxy reacted once more. She wanted another time out but Potter didn't call for one. When the Slytherin Chaser had spotted the Snitch and was about to catch it but only failed because of a brilliant move by Marks who sent a Bludger his way, Potter finally did, not being able to manage Roxy's persistence any longer. The team came down and Roxy started harassing Potter again, this time being close enough for me to hear, not that she noticed I could :

" Just tell Hooch you can't play ! " she shouted.

" I can too, " he replied stubbornly.

" James, you've never flown worse and don't pretend your arm is doing just fine. Your sleeve is soaked with blood for Merlin's sake ! You're gonna get yourself killed ! One Bludger could do it and I have a feeling the Slytherins aren't ignoring that, " she cried in a half concerned, half irritated voice.

" Strider I'm telling you, I'm OK, " he insisted, his anger rising. He wasn't one to be bossed around but why was he calling her by her last name ? Maybe this was more serious than a simple Quidditch disagreement. Roxy on the other side, would not give up so easily and barely seemed to notice the change in how he had addressed himself to her :

" If you don't do it for yourself, at least do it for the team because honestly we're sure to lose the game if you continue playing and I'm not going to stand the Slytherins bragging over the fact that they beat us when they shouldn't have ! If it weren't for Charlie, we'd probably have lost the game already. Just have Vincent or whatever the kid with the blue hair's name is play instead of you ! " she suggested.

" No way ! " James responded as if the idea was absurd.

" Well if you're not quitting, I am ! " she declared.

" What ! " he exclaimed.

" Potter, replace me by that kid otherwise the game's over and I'd much rather lose 60-30 than 200-30. If you don't have the courage to give up for once, then I'll have to do it. You can sink as low as you want, but you're not taking the whole team down with you, " she affirmed decisively.

" Potter, you done with that time out ? " Madam Hooch called.

" You know she's right, James, " the Keeper cut in.

" Just a minute, " the captain shouted to the referee, " look, this is what we're gonna do… " I didn't hear the rest for he was whispering it to the others but I could tell it by the look on Roxy's face after she had heard him, that it wasn't the best of ideas. She didn't oppose to it however but looked anxious. The Gryffindors joined the Slytherins into the air once more and took their positions. Frank continued the commentary as the game carried on.

" It's Slytherin back in possession with Hoover, he passes to Cane… Cane edging towards the goal posts… he shoots- but the Keeper catches it and throws back to Potter - no wait, it's Cortez ! What the hell ! That's the Gryffindor Seeker going to the goal posts with the Quaffle ! Now I doubt _that's_ ever happened in Hogwarts history. Looks like a Chaser is searching for the Snitch too ! Anyway, Cortez isn't doing all that bad, he's getting ahead - passes to Strider, who's gonna shoot… no, it's back to Cortez - who scores ! The Gryffindor Seeker SCORES ! This is amazing ! " Frank exclaimed as cheers exploded throughout the stadium ( not counting the Slytherin stands of course ). I applauded like everyone else but I couldn't help wondering what the hell Potter had gotten himself into. Sure, he'd always been showing off with that Snitch he nicked a couple years back and he did have excellent reflexes. But surely he'd never practiced playing as Seeker with a Snitch that could be just about anywhere instead of one that was merely a foot or two in front of him. Although the Slytherins were still winning 60 to 40, the Gryffindors seemed to have regained confidence and therefor kept the Quaffle on the " good side " of their goal posts. Roxy seemed to have relaxed. She wasn't used to playing with Christopher Cortez and seemed relieved he played all right as Chaser. He was nothing compared to a normal-playing Potter, that was obvious, but it was better than nothing and even Potter was probably worse than nothing at that time while playing Chaser. The game proceeded rather well, Roxy and Christopher Cortez each scored again, which brought the score to a tie and the Bludgers mostly attacked Slytherins. After over a hour of playing, Potter who had been circling the pitch for any sign of the Snitch, caught a hint of gold light on the opposite side of the field and even thought his arm seemed to throb worse than ever, he launched himself after it.

" Potter's flying like mad - he's seen the Snitch ! Slytherin Seeker Margaret Roberts is after him, and I'm not just talking Quidditch, but he's ahead nonetheless ! He's gaining on the Snitch, he's going to… " Just then, the little golden ball zoomed to the ground and Potter dived after it. Roberts pulled back upwards but the Gryffindor Chaser was determined. Inevitably, he was going to crash. Crash he did, but the second before, he did the one thing he needed to do.

" Potter's got the Snitch ! It doesn't look like he's doing too good though… " Frank announced. The yells of triumph that should have surrounded me were absent as Potter lay motionless on the ground, the Snitch still struggling to break free from his fist. Before I could stop myself, I descended the few steps to the pitch and ran to him. Why ? I didn't bother asking myself the question but this feeling as if my heart were filled with stone-cold ashes was enough to terrify me. I reached him and fell to his side. He moved slightly and took notice of my presence. My figure must have been just a blur to him.

" What the hell's your problem, James ! You're fucking crazy, you know that ? " I shouted at him. He smiled weakly.

" About you, " he whispered before falling unconscious.

**A/N : I'm pretty sure replying to reviews is now forbidden on this site, which I find to be absurd (what about the exchange, the communication between writers?) But I'll abide to those ridiculous rules anyway… for just a little while longer. This is the last chapter posted on this site. I will soon be officially leaving fanfictiondotnet. Next chapter will be posted on a new archive. Please go to my profile for information. **

**For anyone who still wants to follow this story, I can add you to the mailing list so you'll know when the next chapter will be up and have a link to it. Just leave me your e-mail address in your review. I hope you'll stick with me, accept to read this fiction on a new site and stay the wonderful reviewers you've been so far : )**


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